Yossi Wallace and his wife were driving home on Motzei Shabbos after spending an entire Shabbos at their first Arachim seminar—a seminar which teaches unaffiliated Jews the beauty of Torah and mitzvos. His wife turned to him and said, “Yossi, why are you still wearing that kippa? We’re not in the seminar any longer; you can take it off now.” “I know,” replied Yossi. “But I’ve decided after hearing and absorbing all the lectures, that this is the right path.” His wife was incredulous. “How can you do this to me? What will our friends say?” But this didn’t deter Yossi. He was a man who never shied away from doing what’s right, regardless of peer pressure. Social pressure and swimming against the tide is not simple at all, even when we know it’s the right thing to do.
Shelach is the story of the meraglim (spies). The pasuk calls the meraglim, “anashim.” Rashi says that the Torah uses this word to refer to men of distinction— righteous leaders. The 12 greatest leaders of each tribe were chosen for this spying mission. Yet, when they returned from scouting the land, 10 out of the 12 succumbed to the pressure of the nation to abort the mission and they gave a negative report about Eretz Yisrael. Only two of the spies, Kalev and Yehoshua, stood strong and gave a favorable report.
The Torah notes their return from their mission with the words, “They went and they came.” Rashi explains that just as they returned with evil intent, so was their departure with evil intent. But this seems to be a contradiction. Were they righteous men of distinction or did they have evil intent?
Rav Noach Weinberg explains that they were sent on a mission to report back to the people on how wondrous the land was and how they would be able to conquer it with Hashem’s help, However, the people didn’t want to hear it. Most were scared and wanted confirmation of their fears so they could continue to depend on Hashem for sustenance. The pressure on these spies to return with a negative report was enormous. Although they were righteous men, their mission was almost doomed from the start. They felt that it was virtually impossible to stand up and say something contrary to what the nation wanted to hear. The social pressure was there from the onset. Therefore, it’s considered as if they had evil intentions from the beginning.
Even Kalev and Yehoshua were at risk of being swept away by Hashem, if not for the extra measures of protection that they merited. Moshe prayed for Yehoshua and added a letter to his name, changing it from Hoshea to Yehoshua, which spells Kah Hoshiacha—Hashem will save you. Kalev, meanwhile, went to daven at the Mearas Hamachpela, the burial place of the patriarchs, to not be swayed by the pressure of the other spies and the nation.
The Torah here is teaching us an eternal lesson: In order to withstand social pressures, one needs an extraordinary connection to one’s rebbe and parents. Yehoshua was the most devoted student of Moshe. Moshe, his loving rebbe, prayed for him. Kalev davened at the Mearas Hamachpela. If a person is firmly rooted in the values of his mentors, including his parents and his rabbeim, he can withstand social pressures. His deep connection to them creates a desire to not disappoint them.
Rabbi Zecharia Wallerstein said that his teenage years were tough. Although he sometimes was tempted to leave behind some mitzvos, he always felt, “How could I do that? How could I disappoint my father who thinks so highly of me?” If not for the love and belief that his father had in him, he might not have been able to withstand social pressures. Rav Moshe Wolfson says, additionally, that one needs to pray sincerely to merit Divine assistance in order to withstand negative influences. This was evident with both Moshe and Kalev, who davened for success to withstand negative pressures.
The pull of peer pressure constitutes a strong undercurrent. Without even realizing it, one can be swept along with the group. Knowing this, we should take preventive measures like placing ourselves in a neighborhood, school, yeshiva and among friends who share our same strong values. And yet, it’s not always possible to avoid various challenges and pitfalls. They are lurking, waiting to influence us. It’s crucial, therefore, for each person to have strong ties with his rebbeim and to maintain the strong values of his parents and other mentors. And we must daven… and our parents and rebbeim must daven, for Heavenly assistance to be successful in our spiritual development!
Rabbi Baruch Bodenheim is the Rosh Yeshiva of Passaic Torah Institute (PTI)/Yeshiva Ner Boruch. Rabbi Bodenheim can be reached at rbbodie@gmail.com. For more info about PTI and its Torah classes, visit www.pti.shulcloud.com
