Teaneck—Three years ago, Rabbi Reuven Taragin, dean of overseas students at Yeshivat Hakotel and rosh beit midrash at Camp Moshava I.O., conceived of the idea for, and executed, a day of learning for the community entitled as the “Community Conference,” that brought speakers from different fields of expertise to speak about the mesorah, the body of Jewish tradition being imparted to our children, and their education as foundational to their upbringing. This brainchild was extraordinarily unique and groundbreaking, popular—more than 600 people attended the event in its inaugural year—and has become a vital forum for discussions pertaining to the education and future of Jewish children and adolescents in the last two years since the initial conference.
This year, Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, the director of Project Y.E.S. (Youth Enrichment Services), an organization that helps at-risk youth, and creator of the children’s book “Let’s Stay Safe,” gave the keynote speech about “Parents Who Get It,” and what “getting it” means in parenting today. Being a good listener, Horowitz stressed, is key to parents understanding the underlying crying out for help to which their children may be alluding, but too proud or ashamed to outright seek. Rabbi Horowitz emphasized that it is important that a child knows that he can, and should go to his parents if he feels he has a problem, and not feel that he will be judged, punished or lectured.
Rabbi Yosef Adler, the rosh hayeshiva of Torah Academy of Bergen County and the rabbi of Congregation Rinat Yisrael, spoke about the conflict children and young adults feel when their teachers tell them how to follow halachot that contradict their family’s minhagim, and how parents should handle that situation when it arises. Adler guarantees it will arise, and he has seen family arguments occur year after year within his congregation between parents and their children. He gave parents some tips, such as being prepared to do the halachic research to defend their family’s minhagim, but also to be open to changing one’s ways if it becomes evident that their ways have been incorrect. Most important is to thank the child for bringing this faulty practice to your attention. Sources were given out and explained in conjunction with Rabbi Adler’s lecture to provide guidance for parents in how best to give their children halachic freedom while still keeping their family traditions.
Family traditions were raised in Rabbi Joseph Oratz’s discussion of the avot and imahot, the forefathers and foremothers, and its connection to the shidduch crisis. Rabbi Oratz, the principal of Bruriah High School, read verses from a Chumash and was eager to hear from his audience. Relevant midrashim (parables) and mefarshim (commentators’ writings) were discussed as the group tried to understand Avraham’s finding a wife for Yitzchak, and how the status of Avraham’s family is inherently tied to the allowance for some select girls to marry into the special family. This led to an interesting discussion of the importance of Devorah, meineket Rivkah; Devorah, Rivkah’s supposed nursemaid, was really her teacher. She taught Rivkah the foundational materials so that Rivkah could help Yitzchak lead the Jewish nation on her own. This, Oratz said, is the job of the teacher: to teach the students so they will be ready to learn and understand without their teachers.
Learning and Jewish values are not innate to children and adolescents; in fact, quite the opposite. Their basic, instinctual drives are what motivate and dominate their actions, and so it must be cultivated through understanding, through knowledge and through the hope that they have been guided to make the right, sometimes hard, choices. What is beautiful about this conference is the fact that, as Margot Botwinick, of the steering committee, said, “we came together as a community to talk about what’s most important to us. From shul rabbis to principals, teachers to parents, college students and those who are just looking to learn and grow and everything in between…We all have so much to learn from each other. It’s amazing to be surrounded by a group of people who understand the importance of unity in the Jewish community and who made an active effort to come and talk about that.” The unity of this community, through its support of this conference, is evidence and proof that our children are being armed with understanding and knowledge that will surely continue for years to come.
Rivka Herzfeld is a recent graduate of the Bernard Revel Graduate School of Jewish Studies and is a Teaneck resident. She is excited to be writing for The Jewish Link and can be reached at [email protected]
By Rivka Herzfeld
