Rabbi Mark Spiro is in the business of helping people. He wants to help people better understand how they function, and in the process, help them become happier human beings.

In his “10 Sessions to a Happier Life and a Better Marriage!” he explains that when people struggle emotionally, it is because they have a misunderstanding about the nature of human experience and the root cause of the various emotional states that we all experience. He says that it can lead to mood drops and feelings of stress, not to mention a whole host of other emotions.

“People have a tremendous amount of wisdom within themselves but they haven’t necessarily learned how to hear it or access it. In fact, ironically, their own well-intentioned efforts towards self-improvement are often the very thing that prevents them from accessing these powerful, innate inner resources. I’m simply helping people to just discover their own inner wisdom, their own inner creativity, and those things will quite naturally help them in anything that they are doing, especially within relationships.”

Rabbi Spiro does not call himself a therapist but rather a facilitator who helps people learn about themselves. “It’s not an invasive process … And it’s not a lifetime of therapy. I’m much more interested in teaching people how to catch their own fish, so to speak, than to give them fish. I’m giving them a new and more accurate paradigm for understanding themselves, that will ultimately enable them to access their own guidance system, their own innate wisdom.”

He said that our own tradition teaches us that every human being has a divine soul and that their essence is tremendously wise and good. “I think those are things that make this type of approach a lot less threatening for people who might traditionally be wary of going to a therapist.”

Spiro explained that feelings of anxiety, fear and stress not only detract from the way people enjoy their lives, but also have an adverse effect on how well they are able to cope and deal with situations. His goal is to help his clients achieve greater yishuv ha’da’as—a more settled mind, or consciousness.

Originally from New Rochelle, Rabbi Spiro attended Cornell University and then spent over a decade at Yeshivat Aish HaTorah where he was eventually musmach. It was when he was doing outreach at Microsoft in Seattle that he was introduced to an approach to mental health called “innate health” or “Three Principles Psychology.”

“There’s a lot of talk today…about people being more present…people going to meditation and trying all sorts of practices to achieve that. My approach really comes from the perspective that people already do that naturally.”

Because many people have a faulty paradigm—a model of understanding—they don’t necessarily know why they feel stress, anxiety and depression and they get stuck. “When I ask my clients to describe the cause of their emotional suffering, they almost always paint an inaccurate picture.”

Many of his clients are struggling with anxiety and depression. While some are struggling on a personal level, many of them are also struggling within the context of a relationship where they may feel a lack of warmth or closeness from their spouse. They often feel anger or resentment towards their partner or are themselves the target of it. Sometimes they feel like they are not heard or understood in the relationship, or there is poor communication.

Spiro believes these issues can be overcome and that happiness within a marriage can be achieved if people are open to learning something new.

One of the biggest challenges that people face in relationships is the inability for one of the partners to recognize their own mental state. “People who are operating in relationships from a low state of mind are often not really aware of where they are holding emotionally and how that is affecting their perception of who they are relating to.”

He said that all he really does is help people see in a different way how they are experiencing their life, and explained, “Ten sessions will provide my clients with sufficient time to immerse themselves in a different paradigm—to begin to look at life in a whole new way.”

Rabbi Spiro said that learning to have an open mind and being in a learning posture, instead of deeply evaluating and overthinking things, has an extraordinary ability to deeply change someone’s life for the better.

He stresses, however, that he will never tell his clients what to do. He is just their guide. “The truth is most people are trying too hard and they just don’t understand what the real issue is. And with … the best intentions, people get in their own way.

“I would say the biggest challenge is listening and being open to a new understanding that doesn’t fit within what you have already decided to be true … People should never feel like they have problems that can’t be dealt with and that they are somehow stuck in their life. They should hopefully understand and never forget that we have a tremendous ability to always learn new things and that sometimes even one simple insight can bring tremendous change to a person’s life.” He added that no one ever needs to feel broken or stuck.

When asked what he considers to be the key to marital success, Spiro said, “If there is one thing I would suggest to any couple it would be to remain curious…Don’t assume you know the other person or what the other person’s intentions are. Or what the other person is thinking.”

To contact Rabbi Mark Spiro, call 862-249-0500. To read more about what people have to say about “10 Sessions to a Happier Life and a Better Marriage!” visit www.livingjudaism.com/what-theyre-saying.html.

By Ronit Mershon