On December 22, 1891, Seth Wheeler was granted a patent for an item used worldwide and enjoyed by millions every single day. Well over a century has passed since this useful invention entered the scene, and it is one that is taken for granted by virtually all its users. Thinking about this made me wonder about something I encounter in my coaching practice—expressing gratitude to family members for a job well done.
Some of the very same people who find it easy to shoot an email to a member of their team at work, thanking them for their excellent report on their sales numbers, or expressing gratitude to volunteers for a bang-up job bringing in record-breaking contributions during a recent fundraiser, have a hard time acknowledging a chore done well by one of their children, a delicious dinner prepared by a loving spouse or the taking on of an extra responsibility that simply makes things at home go more smoothly.
One argument on this topic that I hear frequently is, “It’s the chore that he is responsible for every week—why should I thank him for doing what he is supposed to be doing?” I do hear that argument loud and clear, and it may have applied to the world in which many of us grew up, but less so today. The fact is that most people spend much less time with their families today than a generation ago due to our more demanding world. Many jobs are no longer 9–5, most of us are part of dual-income households and our children are busier than most of us ever were as children. On top of that, technology usage is ubiquitous, and is the “go to” pastime, even when its usage is not necessary during every moment of every day.
Of course, my intention is not for parents or spouses to go overboard with expressing gratitude, but acknowledgment goes a long way during teachable moments in a world where criticisms or negative comments flow freely and easily, and “freebies,” like compliments, gratitude and positive acknowledgments are few, far-between and downright unexpected. So, even if it is your son’s job to bring out the trash twice a week on the nights before garbage pick-up, acknowledging that his dedication to covering the trash cans tightly is preventing animals from invading said trash cans accomplishes several things. Taking notice of this mundane chore may surprise and delight your child. It will also show him that you consider his chore to be an important contribution to the household running efficiently. Acknowledging your child’s dedication to the family or to a sibling—helping with homework, babysitting or performing an act of kindness without being asked, or a spouse doing something that the family benefits from every day, may remind us that success breeds success. The frequency with which we acknowledge, compliment and relay positive messages over criticisms and negative messages will increase exponentially over time.
Who is Seth Wheeler, you ask? He is the man who took toilet tissue, previously found only in the bi-fold variety, put it on a roll and perforated the sheets. Interesting to note that Wheeler created it to be used on the roller in the over, not under, position. Run-of-the-mill, boring invention? I think not! Thanks, Seth Wheeler!
By Sariva Sklar
Sariva Sklar is a Certified Family Coach with a practice in Teaneck. She specializes in enhancing family dynamics and Social Skills Training for groups and individuals of all ages. Sariva can be reached in her office at 201-836-4227, or at [email protected]. For more information, check out her website: www.smallwonderscoaching.com.
