I wasn’t really sure what this month’s column was going to be until the Pennsylvania State Police were kind enough to pull me over on my way to the Poconos. Divine inspiration via radar gun. It had been about 10 years since my last ticket, but like riding a bike, it all came back: the sinking feeling, the immediate calculations, the vague hope that maybe he’s going after someone else (he wasn’t).
I was doing about 80 in a 65 (OK, 55), but definitely too fast for the guy hiding behind the median. I’m not much of a speeder these days, and I’m usually good at spotting traps: Waze, road feel, practice, but this one got me. And while being a car guy doesn’t automatically make you a ticket expert, being a car guy often means doing dumb things with cars, which leads to getting pulled over, which does eventually make you something of a ticket expert.
So… what do you do?
Step One: Don’t Get Pulled Over (Obvious, But Let’s Be Real)
At 46, I’m old enough to admit that the best ticket strategy is prevention. Not in the “drive like a saint” sense, but more in the “know your margins” sense. Most places will tolerate a bit over the limit — but don’t push it. I once heard (and therefore assume it’s gospel) that under 15 mph over the speed limit usually means fewer points. So I tend to set cruise control at 79. If I see a 70 mph sign, I may let it climb. If it drops to 55, I usually try to convince myself it’s temporary.
Waze is your friend. So is looking up ahead and noticing if traffic slows for no reason. If everyone is suddenly braking on an open highway, it’s not a glitch in the matrix, it’s a cop. That’s not just speeding advice, that’s general survival.
Step Two: The Pull-Over Protocol
Even before you see the flashing lights in the rearview, don’t play games. If you know you were speeding, just start pulling over. Don’t wait for the lights. Don’t try the “Who, me?” routine. Playing dumb sometimes works, but not my thing.
Once you’re on the shoulder, think like the officer. His number one priority is not getting shot by a lunatic in a leased Audi. Help him out: Open the windows, keep your hands on the wheel and don’t fidget. You may not be a threat, but he doesn’t know that yet.
Then, keep it simple: Apologize, be respectful and try not to overdo it. There’s a fine line between being polite and being a suck-up. You’re probably getting a ticket anyway — might as well make it a calm, non-memorable interaction.
(For what it’s worth, I did all of the above… and somehow got off with a warning. Which means it still works at least some of the time.)
Step Three: So You Got the Ticket
If it’s not terrible — minimal points, small fine — just pay it. It hurts, but you got caught. Chalk it up to adulting and move on.
But if it’s bad? You’ve earned yourself a little courtroom drama.
First move: Delay, delay, delay. Reschedule the court date as many times as they’ll let you. Time is your ally. Maybe the officer retires. Maybe he forgets — you never know.
Next: Most of the time, the officer or prosecutor will chat with you before you go in. If you haven’t been a total menace, they’ll usually offer you a plea deal; less points, maybe a lower fine. Negotiate a little, but you don’t have much leverage so push and then take it.
If the ticket is really bad — reckless, high speed, insurance-threatening — get a lawyer. But not just any lawyer. You want someone who’s basically part of the furniture in that courtroom. Someone who’s worked with that judge and that prosecutor and knows how the game is played.
If you get the ticket reduced, or thrown out, or even just come out of it without your premiums going through the roof — do a good deed. Send a few bucks to Tikva, Leket or your favorite cause. A small thanks for escaping the clutches of bureaucracy and points on your license.
And remember: Tickets are annoying, but accidents are worse. There’s no courtroom deal for a totaled car.
Eric Samson is a car enthusiast and entrepreneur. He can be reached at auto@jewishlink.news.