Living in such a young community as Bergenfield we are reminded daily of the fact that our youth is behind us. Funny that we never felt that way nor thought much about it until we moved here. Our friends were of various ages, many from the same generation as our children, and there was never a question as to whether or not one could befriend someone from another age group. We find that since we moved there is definitely a divide amongst groups of friends, and most seem to stick completely to those of similar ages. Perhaps it was different in Montreal because Mordechai was a rav and everyone always came to our home, but we think not. Simply put, in Montreal you choose your friends based on similar likes and interests.
Having spent the past few days in a “senior-style community” (Century Village, Boca Raton), we are noticing a completely different phenomenon. It seems to be a world of people who have realized that they are most comfortable being in a place where they can just be themselves. They have left behind the stresses of child rearing, professions, inclement weather, commuting and more, and have made the decision to enjoy life as peacefully and happily as they can with others at a similar point in life. No one is rushing. Lectures, shiurim, entertainment, exercise classes; you name it, they have it.
This morning we attended a lecture given by Esther Wachsman, the mother of Nachshon who was tragically killed by Hamas terrorists more than 20 years ago. She spoke on behalf of Shalva, the amazing organization that has given her family years of relief since their son with Down syndrome began to attend the many programs, therapies and activities they offer. This enabled her and her husband to attend to the needs of their other five sons. A room in the Shalva center has been dedicated to the memory of Nachshon, and Esther shared with attendees the family’s tragic story.
Everyone was riveted to their seats. The lecture took place in the shul, Congregation Torah Ohr, which was filled to capacity. The time of her talk was 11 in the morning. None of these people would ever have been able to take advantage of such a moving talk prior to their retirement. Here their time is totally their own and they are filling it with many things they were not able to do in the past.
Since arriving here, as well, we have been moved by the occasional passing of a resident pushing a spouse in a wheelchair or just walking at a much slower pace. Nina was reading a book close to the pool area and a gentleman pushed his wife to the area. She was clearly devastatingly handicapped, but the husband made sure she was comfortable, sat down next to her with his newspaper and became engrossed in what he was reading. Obviously, their life is not what they imagined it would be at the time that they were ready to retire.
We all know the adage that marriage is forever and it is for better and for worse. How many really face the fact that one day they may have to be a caretaker for the one they love the most?
What we have seen here has been invigorating. Many have come here leaving behind families with grandchildren and great-grandchildren, realizing that it is now their time to concentrate on themselves. We have seen devotion toward one another and what appears to be a level of acceptance of the stages that people have reached in their lives. It is another great lesson to be remembered by all of us: enjoy and make the best of today, give thanks for all that we have, because the unpredictability of life is not within our control.
By Rabbi Mordechai and Nina Glick
Rabbi Mordechai and Nina Glick are living in Bergenfield after many years of service to the Montreal Jewish community. Rabbi Glick was the rav of Congregation Ahavat Yisroel as well as a practicing clinical psychologist in private practice. He also taught at Champlain Regional College. The Glicks were frequent speakers at the OU marriage retreats. Nina coordinated all Yachad activities in Montreal and was a co/founder of Maison Shalom, a group home for young adults with special needs. They can be reached at [email protected].
