We noticed an anonymous letter to the editor in The Jewish Link’s last edition (“On Adult Children Who Pull Away From Their Families,” December 28, 2017). It especially touched us because it was written by grandparents whose children have apparently chosen to no longer have anything to do with them, which in turn prevents their grandchildren from seeing them. Isn’t it the goal of parents to raise our children in such a way that they eventually become independent of us and develop their own lives? Not always are the choices children make what we had wished for them, but they still deserve to have honor and respect directed at them in order to keep the family unit intact.
Once again, as happened while writing one of our previous articles, we were shattered by terrible news—this time news that two Jewish families were killed while vacationing in Costa Rica. Parents and children in two families, one from Scarsdale and one from Florida, were enjoying what should have been a short flight when they died in a ball of flames. Something more horrific is hard to fathom. Is there any possibility of such tragedies ever making any sense?
Last week we were jolted by a tragic fire in the Bronx where 12 people perished, all because a child was playing with the burners on a stove. How? Why?
It is time for all of us to realize that no one has any guarantees of tomorrow. Grab your children and grandchildren and smother them with kisses no matter what paths they have chosen. Open your doors to them no matter who they have married, which path of Yiddishkeit they have decided to follow, which schools they are sending their children to. Open your minds and your hearts to the fact that not every child chooses to be the same as their parents. Allow your offspring to be themselves.
When children choose not to be a part of their parents’ lives any longer there has to be a reason. It is so easy for parents to blame their children. How about taking a turn at some introspection? Is it not time to be as honest as possible regarding our own actions?
We have met members of the community who have confided that they do not have contact with children, siblings or various other family members. In actual fact we cannot find anything that would justify such behavior unless someone perhaps is a thief, a murderer, an abuser or a child molester. (As difficult as it might seem, even then our love should be shown, though obviously not our approval.)
Why is it that pronouncing the words of apology are so difficult? Only three words, and yet they are impossible for some to say. I am sorry can mean the difference between being estranged and being loved. Our suggestion would be to practice saying those words in front of a mirror. It is amazing how many have so much anger built up inside them that they find it impossible to move forward. If for no other reason, think of the horrible tragedies that have transpired in the past few weeks and how little time some of us might have left to repair relationships. Do it now.
By Rabbi Mordechai and Nina Glick
Rabbi Mordechai and Nina Glick are living in Bergenfield after many years of service to the Montreal Jewish community. Rabbi Glick was the rav of Congregation Ahavat Yisroel as well as a practicing clinical psychologist in private practice. He also taught at Champlain Regional College. The Glicks were frequent speakers at the OU marriage retreats. Nina coordinated all Yachad activities in Montreal and was a co/founder of Maison Shalom, a group home for young adults with special needs. They can be reached at [email protected].
