As some of you know, I have done countless presentations over the years on various aspects of marriage.

Last week before writing the article for this week, I sat down to read The Link and came across the piece written by the Maggid Of Bergenfield. It was great. It reminded me of item that I used a number of times, many years ago and I think you’ll love it!

Let’s say a guy named Yossi is attracted to a woman named Rifkah. He asks her out for coffee; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?” And then, there is silence in the car.

To Rifkah, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.

And Yossi is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Rifkah is thinking: But hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward… I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Yossi is thinking:…so that means it was… let’s see… February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means… lemme check the odometer…

Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Rifkah is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed–even before I sensed it–that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.

And Yossi is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $800!

And Rifkah is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.

And Yossi is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty…those scumballs!

And Rifkah is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Yossi is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty?

“Yossi,” Martha says aloud.

“What?” says Yossi, startled.

“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have… Oh God, I feel so……” and she breaks down, sobbing.

“What?” says Yossi.

“I’m such a fool,” Rifkah sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”

“There’s no horse?” says Yossi.

“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Rifkah says.

“No!” says Yossi, glad to finally know the correct answer.

“It’s just that… it’s that I… I need some time,” Rifkah says.

There is a 15-second pause while Yossi, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work. “Yes,” he says.

Rifkah, deeply moved, turns to him and says “Oh, Yossi, do you really feel that way?” she says.

“What way?” says Yossi.

“That way about time,” says Rifkah.

“Oh,” says Yossi. “Yes”

Rifkah gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.

“Thank you, Yossi,” she says.”

“Thank you,” says Yossi.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Yossi gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a college basketball game between two South Dakota junior colleges that he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it.

The next day Rifkah will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Yossi, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Martha’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:

“Norm, did Rifkah ever own a horse?”

By Rabbi Dr. Mordechai Glick