As this is being written we have been invaded by a cleaning crew, all the result of a faulty toilet. Naturally, when disaster strikes it either happens on Shabbat or Yom Tov. There is no one to call and little to do as the water begins to trickle down the walls through a light fixture in the kitchen.
With a “shinui” (different way), Nina turned off the light, frightened that we might soon have a fire in our house. We watched as ceilings bubbled, with water gathering in pockets, then we opened a cabinet and found utensils swimming in water! It was Shavuot! Too bad, we realized, we just had to bear with it. Enjoy the cheesecake (not) that no one likes except for one lonely writer of this column. After Yom Tov, when we could turn on the lights in our basement, we found water in many places.
Skip ahead a few days and after having several tame “snakes” enter our home, for use in our bathroom, it looked as though none of them were able to solve this issue. Time to call in the insurance patrol. At this moment six men (the Martians) are the deconstruction team assigned to air out, throw out, tape up and blow out any of the remotely destroyed areas. Whoops, there goes our high riser out the door with its sheets, pillows and comforter covers. True they were soaked, but could they not have been dried?
Before we had a chance to bat an eyelash there was a “supervisor” in our house ready to write an estimate for what it will cost to repair this damage. Hey, wait, are we not supposed to make certain decisions ourselves? Can we choose another contractor? Must we passively sit by as things are carried out of our home? The Martians are friendly and seem to be enjoying their role as home destructors. It must be fun to throw out other people’s stuff.
We are now lost in the land of insurance claims. On the one hand it sort of seems exciting to get walls painted and furniture replaced (we hope), but we really did not need this extra stress. We have no idea which company to use and which not to, and we dread the idea of receiving our new homeowners insurance bill. Perhaps there is something to be said about outhouses. In one day we have received at least eight different phone calls from adjusters and others. There are times when it seems that being simple people with poor to no negotiating skills is not an attribute to have. This is one of them. We definitely feel more comfortable making the vital decisions of who we would like to invite to our home for Shabbat and Yom Tov meals. We have to control ourselves from inviting the Martians for next Shabbat.
We know that there are those who will read this and not understand what the big deal is. For those who have been in business their entire lives, making decisions which will result in monetary outcomes must come more easily. For nerds like us it is overwhelming. Who knows who will be more honest or more thorough? We thought everyone was honest. (whoops) These are tough decisions to make and hopefully by the next time we sit down to write our article we will be free of Martians and snakes and can concentrate on more important issues such as the frum dating scene!
By Nina and Rabbi Mordechai Glick
