Welcome back to “How Should I Know,” the column in which we attempt to answer people’s questions and hope they don’t take our advice seriously and ruin their lives.

Dear Mordechai,

Why do some people only shovel a six-inch-wide path in the snow when at least 50% of the people trying to pass are sitting in double strollers?

Double-Stroller Driver

Dear D.S.,

Firstly, I think you got your math wrong. Sixty-seven percent of people trying to pass are sitting in double strollers. If it’s a double stroller, that means there are two people in the stroller for every one person pushing. If you’re only pushing one child, you should really consider using a single stroller, unless you have a lot of groceries. Pushing a single child in a double stroller is just going to cause people to constantly come over to you and ask if someone fell out.

The basic answer to your question, though, is that:

1. They’re not shoveling for you. They’re shoveling to avoid a ticket. True, shoveling the sidewalk in front of their house makes it easier for them to walk, but that’s only for about a minute at a time, and to make this happen, they have to spend an hour standing in snow. It’s not really worth it. So primarily, they’re doing it to avoid getting a ticket. And whoever gives out tickets isn’t walking around with a double stroller. And that said,

2. This is how wide their shovel is. Six inches, apparently.

That said, the real question is: Why doesn’t someone invent some kind of snowplow that you can mount to the front of a double stroller? Aside from how much snow would pile up on your kids, that is.

They should at least make ski attachments. Unless they’re worried about hills.

(In that case, 100% of people passing will be sitting in double strollers.)

Dear Mordechai,

My wife and I can’t decide where to go out to eat. Where should we go?

Starving

Dear Starving,

I don’t know. Where do you want to go?

You’re asking me to make your decision, right? So that neither of you have to? Fine. How about Chinese?

“I don’t know; we just had Chinese.”

Who cares? The whole point of eating out is that you don’t have to make the food! If you go to someone’s house for a meal and they serve Chinese, do you say, “Oh, we just had Chinese”? Also, it’s probably very insulting to dismiss an entire country like that. Do you think the people in China sit around, going, “Again? We just had Chinese.”

You’d think this would not be a big deal. This is not really a decision that will impact the rest of your life. And with any decision that will, you both have opinions and you’re unrelenting. But for this, you’re freezing up? Where did you guys ever eat before you found each other?

The truth is, though, that the whole reason you’re going out to eat, especially if you don’t have a specific place in mind and your entire idea is, “Just not at home,” is not just that you don’t want to make supper; it’s that you don’t want to figure out what to make for supper. 90% of the stress in making supper is figuring out what to make, and you don’t have the mental capacity at the moment to make that decision. If you could decide what you want to eat, you would just make it.

So instead, you want to spend time figuring out where to go, getting there, and then reading the menu several times to figure out what you want to order with your entire family AND a stranger pressuring you to decide already.

So what you really have to do is change the question. Next time, instead of asking your wife where she wants to eat, smile and say, “Guess where I’m taking you!” Then go to the first place she guesses.

Got a question for “How Should I Know?” Guess what I’m going to answer!

Mordechai Schmutter is a freelance writer and a humor columnist for Hamodia and other magazines. He has also published seven books and does stand-up comedy. You can contact him at [email protected].