Highlighting: “Living Emunah on Shidduchim: Searching for the Right One with Serenity and Faith” by Rabbi David Ashear. ArtScroll/Mesorah Publication. 2023. Hardcover. 289 pages. ISBN-13: 978-1422633069.

(Courtesy of Artscroll) Rabbi David Ashear, author of the Living Emunah series, brings his unforgettable emunah insights and stories to one of the most important – and often most stressful – parts of our lives: finding a shidduch for our children or for ourselves.

How can we stay calm and tranquil when the wait to find a shidduch, whether for ourselves or our loved ones, sometimes seems almost endless? How should a person react in the face of disappointment? With sensitivity, compassion, and – of course! – emunah, Rabbi Ashear’s brand new Living Emunah on Shidduchim offers Torah insights and powerful stories to guide us through the parsha of shidduchim.

With more than 300,000 copies in print, the Living Emunah series has touched so many lives. In Living Emunah on Shidduchim, Rabbi Ashear shows us how everyone involved in the world of shidduchim – parents, friends, shadchanim and, of course, those waiting for their basherts – can turn a challenging and tense time into a vehicle for growth, tranquility, and ever-strengthening emunah.

The following is an excerpt from the book, a small glimpse into the penetrating inspiration that comprises this must-have volume:

We Always Gain

Yaffa* mentioned to her friend that she didn’t have a housekeeper for a couple of days. “I sent her to my neighbor, who is recovering from minor surgery.”

“Aren’t you worried about letting her go to someone else’s house?” asked her friend. “That’s how they end up leaving.”

Yaffa replied, “I know that Hashem decides how long my housekeeper is going to stay with me, and He’s not going to shorten that time because I am helping someone. It’s just the opposite. We only gain from doing chesed.”

Yaffa told me afterward that she felt very proud of being able to feel this way after many years of reading and listening to classes on emunah. “There is no way I would have felt like this a few years ago,” she admitted, “but baruch Hashem, my life has changed due to the emunah I have learned.”

We never lose by doing chesed. We only gain. Sometimes, people struggle when it comes to doing chesed, especially when a great deal of effort is required. Reminding themselves that helping others will only benefit them will help overcome their reluctance.

Shortly before their daughter Devorah’s scheduled wedding date, Mr. and Mrs. Scheiner were notified by the manager of the hall that due to Covid restrictions, all weddings were being canceled. The couple and their families were very distraught. What to do now?

Mr. Scheiner heard from a friend about the Roths, a wealthy couple who had a very large home and backyard. “Maybe they would agree to host the wedding?” the friend wondered.

Devorah’s father overcame his natural shyness, went to the Roths’ home, and rang their bell. When Mr. Roth opened the door, Mr. Scheiner explained the situation. Then, swallowing hard, he said, “I know we are complete strangers. But is there any possibility you would consider opening your home and hosting my daughter’s wedding?”

Taken aback, Mr. Roth said he would need to discuss it with his wife first.

When he brought it up with her later, her response was immediate and unequivocal.

“Absolutely not!”

Although he understood his wife’s reluctance, he really wanted to do this chesed.

“Shmuli* has been going through a very hard time since his divorce,” he said. “Let’s do this chesed as a zechus for our son.”

When Mrs. Roth heard those words, she changed her tune. “All right. For Shmuli’s sake I’m willing to do it.”

They immediately contacted the Scheiners and told them it would be their pleasure to host the wedding.

“In fact,” they added, “we would be honored to pay for it as well.”

Near tears, Mr. Scheiner thanked them profusely and told the couple that the wedding was on.

The Roths hired a party planner to coordinate the wedding, and it was a beautiful celebration.

After the guests left, the party planner remained behind to clean up. “This was not part of our agreement,” the Roths pointed out. “Why are you going beyond the call of duty?”

“I am divorced,” she said. “I decided to do this wedding free of charge as a zechus for myself to get remarried. I know it’s hard for couples to get married these days with all the Covid restrictions in place. I decided to help another couple and hopefully, in that zechus, Hashem will help me get married, too.”

“Oh, yes, we certainly understand,” said Mrs. Roth. “We hosted this wedding as a chesed in the zechus of our son, who is also divorced.”

A few months later, Mr. and Mrs. Roth had the pleasure of hosting another wedding, when their son Shmuli married the party planner! Their wedding was celebrated in the very same location, a place that was infused with chesed.

We never lose by helping others. Just the opposite is true. We always gain.