Every summer, Jewish communities observe The Three Weeks. For these 21 days, the community refrains from having weddings. shaving, getting haircuts and other customs. The rabbis instituted each restriction to cultivate a sense of mourning and simultaneously inspire Jews to ponder personal and religious growth. This period of mourning culminates with Tisha B’Av, an infamous day when both holy Temples were destroyed.
According to the Gemara, the second Temple was destroyed because of sinat chinam — baseless hatred between fellow Jews. Years after its destruction, rabbis across the generations have expressed a need for Jews to counteract sinat chinam with ahavat chinam/ahavat Yisrael, baseless love for all Jews. Upon reflection, the instruction of ahavat Yisrael and ahavat chinam can sound vague. How exactly can someone turn on their ahavat Yisrael switch? Lessons gleaned from life experience and rabbinic leaders have provided these authors one way for implementing ahavat chinam or ahavat Yisrael: to become someone’s hero.
Secular culture associates the word hero with medical surgeons, army veterans, famous athletes and successful CEOs. On the other hand, author Christopher Reeve considers, “anyone who can find the strength and courage to keep going in spite of overwhelming challenges” to be a hero. This definition opens doors for everyone to become a hero. In our humble opinion, a hero represents anyone who assists one person during a difficult or challenging time. The title of hero applies even if your assistance or help does not resolve or change the struggling person’s problem.
According to psychiatric research, perceived support represents the biggest protective factor against the development of mental health problems. Perceived support means that someone perceives they have another person or animal which cares about them, someone in their corner. Merely believing someone would take your call or would meet up with you offers protection against mental illness.
Several years ago, one author observed the power of perceived support against severe mental illness. The first example happened to Rob*. During elementary, middle and high school, Rob experienced bullying. This included getting called awful names, exclusion from social gatherings and slim recognition from peers for his strong academic skills. After high school, Rob attended college overseas. At the start of college, Rob pondered death by suicide as it offered an apparent solution to years of maltreatment and emotional hardship. Often, people consider the act of suicide a solution to an irresolvable problem. However, meeting Rabbi X changed Rob’s plans. Rabbi X held the position of campus rabbi on Rob’s college campus. First, Rabbi X offered Rob a seat at his table for Shabbat meals. Next, Rabbi X introduced Rob to various Jewish students on campus at Jewish events. Spending time beside Rabbi X helped Rob develop a supportive friend group. It also helped Rob become more excited about Judaism. Today, Rob has grown into a passionate young man who is excited to make a difference in the business world and Jewish community. This story emphasizes the tremendous impact one person can make on another’s life.
Another example occurred to a peer named Luke*. Many young Jewish men and women live in New York City during their 20s. Shabbat represents a big part of this experience and includes meeting up with friends for group lunches or dinners as well as going to different apartments for onegs or hangouts. For several years, Luke resided in one Jewish community and spent many Shabbats there alone. Every week, Luke recited kiddush and hamotzi to himself in his apartment. Loneliness and other mental health challenges caused Luke to spend time at various inpatient facilities for self-injury and suicidal ideation-related incidents. After shul one Friday night, a community member asked Luke, “What are you doing for Shabbat?” Luke directed both eyes at the floor. “Nothing.” Learning about his Shabbat loneliness struck a chord in this fellow. Immediately, this peer invited Luke for Shabbat dinner. Dinner turned into a lunch invitation. Lunch turned into a weekly chavruta. The weekly chavruta turned into a friendship. Luke continues to combat loneliness and periodically contemplate suicide. However, thoughts of leaving his new buddy behind help to deter his suicidal ideation. This story emphasizes how one person can truly be the difference between life and death.
Some people might read this article and think, “His issues are not my problem. Who has the time to deal with her? What about my learning seder, workout routine, softball game, schoolwork?” All medical and mental health experts agree that each person needs time for their hobbies and interests. In addition, one author’s friend, Michael Krantz, once said, “Don’t put a bunch of mugs on a one-legged table.” Nevertheless, all of us can make time for one struggling peer. Offer a hand to one peer in need of support. For the next three weeks and beyond, be a hero to one person in your community. Call up a friend in financial distress. Invite over a classmate or couple that’s having trouble making friends. Ask around the neighborhood to help an unemployed peer get employed. Take a friend going through marriage problems out for a burger. Have a single friend over for Shabbat or Yom Tov. Everyone knows one person at school, work, shul or home in need of a buddy.
The Gemara says, “If you help one person, it’s as if you helped the whole world.” Performing one seemingly small deed for someone in need will make you a hero.
To quote Rabbi Efrem Goldberg, “When someone is in physical pain, we all jump to help. Shouldn’t we do the same for someone in emotional pain?”
To quote Rabbi Netanel Wiederblank, “The best thing you can give someone is your time.”
Shout out to Seth Berman, gabbai of Ahavat Achim in Highland Park. His reader feedback has pushed me to continue writing articles.
In addition, co-author Yosef Silfen would like to give a shout out to his heroes: Rabbi Pinchus Weinberger (mentor and family rabbi), co-author Rabbi Neil Fleischmann (mentor), Rabbi Netanel Weiderblank (mentor), George Silfen (father), Bonnie Silfen (mother) and Max Gruber (friend). Each of them has provided him with the support needed to push through personal and academic challenges.
By Yosef Silfen & Rabbi Neil Fleischmann
