The Three Weeks is a solemn time for our people. It begins with one fast day and ends with another. We aren’t supposed to listen to music or see movies, go to shows or water parks; we are supposed to contemplate what was to become the most terrible time in our history, and because it is such a sorrowful time, I thought it would be more appropriate if this was a serious, reflective column. I also thought it would be appropriate if husband #1 would collaborate with me on this one and he was more than happy to do that (especially since he would be able to edit whatever I wrote about him). The list of topics was endless—he wanted to do something Torah related, I wanted to do something about how hard it is for those who are heavy to fast. Unfortunately, the collaboration and topic finally came together because he had just come home from attending the funeral of a man whom he held in very high esteem, Rabbi Nachum Muschel obm. So what to write about became obvious to both of us.
We all have role models in our lives, our parents, assorted teachers, possibly even some friends; we even emulate people we have never met, and Rabbi Muschel has always been on the top of husband #1’s list, always. What never ceased to amaze me about this was that Rabbi Muschel was his principal in ASHAR, the elementary school he attended in Monsey. Lots of children respect their principal while many fear their principal. Husband #1 loved his principal. Now as is true with most things, you ask 10 people their opinion of someone and you get 10 different responses. There were over 1,000 people at this funeral, many of them alumni of ASHAR, so that is pretty telling of what the community thought of this great man.
The funeral was over two hours long. All of his children spoke, and all of his grandchildren spoke. The stories brought back wonderful memories for Ari (that is husband #1’s name for those of you who didn’t know), and he came home and shared many of them with me. When I asked Ari why he loved Rabbi Muschel so much his answer was simple. Rabbi Muschel taught him the most important life lessons: always be a good person; always be kind and respectful of others; never make anyone feel unimportant. Derech eretz (acting like a mensch) is paramount. He also taught Ari the importance of learning and the love of learning. Whenever we would see Rabbi Muschel, Ari’s face would light up and so would Rabbi Muschel’s; it was a mutual admiration society. Last year, we had the honor and privilege to be invited to a barbeque celebrating the rabbi’s 90th birthday. There were many ASHAR alumni there, and Ari was in his glory. He was so happy to be able to tell him how he impacted his life, and he was happy to hear others express those same feelings. Best of all, Rabbi Muschel was able to hear these words, see the faces of those who loved him, whose lives he touched. That is priceless. That is where the importance of telling someone how you feel about them comes into play, what they mean to you and how happy they make you. You can no longer do that when they aren’t around. That is also a really important life lesson. Life is just too short to not say what you feel and to hold grudges.
Ari has always embodied the qualities that Rabbi Muschel taught him, to his parents, to his friends, through being gabbai in shul (which is no easy task). He really taught him well.
When I look to the role models in my life, I focus on my maternal grandmother who always made me feel special even when my older sister did not. She taught me to love poetry and writing and music. My maternal grandfather taught me the value of being kind and sweet and to love chocolate. One out of three isn’t bad, I guess. Sometimes you get a hit and sometimes you get a miss.
In any event, Ari spent the rest of that day reminiscing about his Rabbi and his mentor. He has always tried to teach his boys the values that he learned from his principal and he is doing a pretty good job. May the kindness we extend to others, the love and forgiveness, merit all of the blessings that we would like bestowed upon us and all of the people of Israel and may Rabbi Muschel’s neshama have an aliyah on the merits of all of those lives he touched and changed for the better.
Banji and Ari Ganchrow have been married for 20 years. This is the first and probably last article they will work on together.
By Banji Latkin Ganchrow
