I hesitated a long while before sending this letter because I suspect many will be offended. Perhaps rightfully! But please take it in the spirit of a call for sensitivity, not judgment. And after yet more unfortunate news today about a chayal my family knows, my hesitation dissipated. At least long enough to hit “send.”

Our community has thankfully had a strong and united reaction to the horrific slaughter in Israel on October 7, the hostages taken and the ensuing war. People have taken unprecedented action to provide material support, moral support, public arena support and even physical support. But as January approaches, many will start to ask friends the usual question of “where are you going for yeshiva break this year,” and to post about their own plans. It is only natural, since our local yeshivot have a break whose length and timing are intended to foster going away.

But in your conversations and postings, please bear in mind that many this year are in too much pain to think of a sunny vacation while thinking about our brethren who remain prisoners of Hamas in underground tunnels. Or while every day brings new spilled blood, even as families are still freshly mourning their original 1,200 dead. Or while hundreds of thousands of families remain without their fathers and husbands who are serving on the front lines for months. Or while there are parents right here in Bergen County who can’t sleep at night knowing that enemy snipers and artillery are awake and on the lookout for their chayal children.

People have every right to make choices about what is best for them. But sensitivity to others at this time of war suggests reviving that old policy of “don’t ask, don’t tell.”

Dan Barenholtz
Teaneck