“Our kids may be…probably getting…sometime in near future… planning on…no one knows…not yet…premature…but… WE NOW MUST PLAN EVERYTHING NOW!
After 20 years in the simcha business, I can honestly say I have seen it all, which is the reason that many people have suggested I write a book to share these mostly wonderful stories and experiences.
I have been privileged to work with every type of bride and groom. From the couple that meet each other and calmly plan their wedding all within the span of six weeks to the couple who is getting married two years from now, plans every musical detail years in advance, but then neglects to secure a place to live three weeks before the final wedding date!
Therefore, I often think about ways to make the wedding process special, fun, meaningful and stress-free. It may seem trivial, but in the actual enjoyment of your big day it may be the simple things that make a huge difference. Of course, prior to the big day you need to find a catering hall, a caterer, a florist, a band, a dress, shoes and housing for guests for the aufruf and Shabbos Kallah, and, and, and, and, and, and, and…if you think about it there so many things to do!!! But…the keys to a stress-free simcha, as you experience it at the simcha, are really quite simple.
Your goal from day one is to plan before your event. Engage the professionals that you know will do the right job for you, actually listen to your dreams and visions and who will have your interests at heart. Do extensive preparations with them before the wedding day; that is why you hired them. Try not to fall into the trap of becoming a micromanager at your own simcha. Your caterer has cooked more chicken than you ever will. Your photographer knows what backgrounds will look beautiful and how to stage the “big family picture for Bubby” better than you do.
Simple things make a big difference on your big day; things like comfortable shoes. More often than not, a simcha will end with the mom/bride/sister etc. sitting with her bare feet on a chair because even though those shoes looked amazing, they were not made for exciting and energetic dancing. As a bandleader, I always feel like I did a great job when, after the wedding, I witness tired brides and grooms. Logically, their feet only hurt because they danced so much, but would anyone have thought any less of them if they wore Chuck Taylors instead of Louboutins during those great dance segments?
Make a plan for kibbudim before the wedding. Tell your friend Steve that he will be signing the ketubah, so that he a) shows up to the wedding before the chuppah is over, and b) when he does show up, he does not spend an hour at the carving station instead of at the chasan’s tisch. Appoint a close friend or relative who knows the honorees to be in charge of taking attendance. You, as the baal simcha, will be too busy with other stuff. It is never fun when they call up Uncle Marvin for the fourth bracha and after a few minutes of nervous silence someone calls out “he is in the bathroom,” or better yet, “in Israel”!
Much more to come in future articles, including the one about the “$10,000 paper cut ketubah that could not be used because it had the wrong Hebrew date on it.” Let’s talk more next time.
Dov Katz is a bandleader at Neshoma and can be reached by coming over to say hi at a simcha near you (he has a yellow guitar…can’t miss it) or at [email protected].
By Dov Katz, Neshoma Orchestra
