West Orange—The social hall at Congregation AABJ&D became quite still as sisterhood co-president Andrea Bier took the podium to introduce the program, titled “The Journey to Healing: How to Cope and Raise Awareness for Infertility, Miscarriage and Intimacy Issues.” Cloaked so often in ignorance, frustration or shame, these issues are not easily or often discussed. The stated objectives of this conference were to spotlight the need for acknowledgement, recognition and education about these issues, and to provide healthy and appropriate resources for those in direct need, as well as for the friends and family in the support system.
Four highly credentialed women panelists took turns presenting their uniquely qualified and professional perspective on each of the topics. The panel opened with Rivki Chudnoff, PT, MSPT, outlining the range of physical conditions that can be obstacles to intimacy in marriage. She noted that symptoms can sometimes be age-related, related to psychological and family history or can appear for the first time after a childbirth. She defined an important timeline threshold for identifying a physical problem within a couple’s intimacy as “interfering with intimacy for two mikvah cycles.” Chudnoff can be reached at www.hamakompt.com.
Talia Hindin, Psy. D., of Yesh Tikva.org presented next, focusing on the spectrum of responses that women can have resulting from any of these issues. Because they can be experienced in both public and private ways, the responses are often complicated and widely varied. She noted that many women experience a “confirmation bias of ‘I am the only one,’” setting them up for isolation and loneliness in navigating their difficult and often traumatic path through infertility, miscarriage or intimacy issues. Refuting that notion, she cited a statistic that 10 percent of clients have a (mis)perception of being alone with the issue. She counseled the audience from the podium to learn how to communicate appropriately and with sensitivity. Concerned or involved individuals can find resources and support for infertility issues on the website www.yeshtikva.org.
Presenting third was Reva Judas, founder of Nechama Comfort, “an organization dedicated to helping all family members who have experienced infant and pregnancy loss at any time in their lives.” She pointed out a fact essential for women who have experienced a miscarriage or infant loss to understand: her body doesn’t know she lost a baby; it knows she had a baby. The implications were that the body responds, hormonally and physically, as if she was now caring for a newborn child, rather than grieving its loss. She stated that infant loss and/or miscarriage is often shrouded in secrecy and denial, especially because early pregnancy may not be known to family and friends nor obvious to the observer. Friends and family can find a helpful guide, “How to comfort and talk to those experiencing pregnancy and infant loss,” on the website at [email protected]. The guide clearly outlines what to say and what not to say in the case of miscarriage or infant loss.
Closing the panel presentations was Nechama Price, MA, MS, yoetzet halacha, who described her role as a community yoetzet, a woman trained in halacha and issues surrounding taharat hamishpacha, or family purity. Price tied things together by noting the statistic that 100 percent of us know someone who is struggling with one of these issues, although we might not be aware of it. She is available for calls and questions by contacting her at [email protected] or 201-888-6999.
All of the panelists urged women to seek support and professional assistance if they (or someone they care about) encounter or have experienced one or more of the difficult life-cycle issues discussed at this conference.
By Ellie Wolf
