Parents often ask themselves, are we doing it right? Parenting is such a difficult undertaking with so many complex variables that it is no surprise that parents often find themselves questioning if they are parenting the right way. Many parents want to ensure the best for their child, but what type of parenting will facilitate that?
There are four types of parenting styles.
Assertive parents: These types of parents believe that children should follow the rules simply because their parents said so. They often set strict rules, have high demands and their focus is in having their children be obedient. They do not take their kids feelings or opinions into consideration. Assertive parenting focus on punishments instead of discipline; they want their children to feel sorry for their mistakes. Children of assertive parents grow to be obedient; however, they may also grow up to have low self-esteem because their opinions are not always valued. Additionally, children with assertive parents can also grow up to be aggressive because of the anger they have towards their parents. They might also learn to lie to avoid punishment.
Permissive parents: These types of parents might set rules, but have a hard time enforcing them. They believe that children are better off being children and do not want to give consequences or interfere with their children. Permissive parents might take the role of a friend and agree to everything a child says, instead of discussing and discouraging negative behavior. Children of permissive parents tend to have behavioral problems as they might not listen to authority figures. This can also have an affect on them academically. These children are reported to have low self-esteem and have sadness.
Authoritative parents: These types of parents want to understand their children’s opinions and value their thoughts. However, they also set clear rules and expectations and follow through with consequences. Authoritative parents explain their rules, validate their children’s feelings and have open dialogues with them, but ultimately make it clear that the parents have the last say. Authoritative parents put effort into preventing problems through positive parenting, such as rewards systems and praise. Children with authoritarian parents tend to be confident and successful individuals who also tend to make good choices for themselves.
Uninvolved parents: These types of parents tend not to give their children much guidance or support. They do not ask their children about their day, do not know where their children are and set few rules. Many times these types of parents unintentionally neglect their children due to substance abuse, other times they may just be overwhelmed with work and bills to pay. Children of uninvolved parents tend to have behavioral problems and report not being happy.
Although parents can have more than one parenting style depending on the day, it is important to note that research suggests that authoritative parenting is the healthiest way to parent. It is possible to learn this parenting style and to develop it over time. You can continue to develop a positive relationship with your child while setting clear expectations and rules in your home.
To learn more about Gali Goodman visit www.GaliGoodman.com, or to set up an appointment call 201-870-0331.
Gali has a private practice in Englewood, New Jersey, where she treats families, individuals and couples. Additionally, Gali is an adjunct professor at the Wurzweiler School of Social Work. She also works for Jewish Family Services (JFS) of Clifton-Passaic and supports Project Sarah, a program that works with victims of domestic violence and sexual abuse. Gali earned a double master’s from Columbia School of Social Work and Bank Street College of Education.
