Disclaimer: This case presentation is a composite of several cases and is not based on any single individual. Identifying details have been altered to protect confidentiality.
After being one the best players on the middle school basketball team, it was a heart-wrenching moment for Jacob and his parents to see that he didn’t make the ninth grade team. The embarrassment of speaking to his friends about it and the reactions of others questioning how it was possible didn’t help. One day later, after his middle school coach called the athletics department to tell them that they must’ve made a mistake and that Jacob must be put on the team, the embarrassment furthered. Now forced to be on the team, he entered the first practice of the season with a coach who clearly didn’t want him there and told everyone to run laps “besides for you Jacob, you can sit.”
Over a year later, Jacob was now the captain of the team but there was one major issue: nothing felt OK for him. His parents, recognizing that he was struggling, tried to understand what was going on with him. When he told them that the court always seemed blurry to him, they took him to the eye doctor to be checked for glasses, but his vision was fine. When he said that the court and everyone playing seemed as if they were spinning, his parents made an appointment to get an MRI scan of his brain, which showed no problems with his balance. When he complained of loss of stamina and chest pain, his parents called the cardiologist who, after having Jacob wear a heart monitor for a week, determined that his heart was perfectly fine.
The increasing tension for Jacob on the court became almost impossible for him to overcome, so much so that when the team made the playoffs for the first time, Jacob sat on the bench in regular street clothing and didn’t play due to uncertainty of what was going on. His parents, wanting so badly to help, could only watch as their son was suffering without any clear understanding as to why.
After all the medical exams, only then did it become a thought that perhaps this might be rooted in something else. Speaking with others, the parents elected to have their son seek therapy to determine if something else was going on. When they mentioned the idea to Jacob, he roared back saying, “You think this is all in my head?!” Seeing his anger and what seemed to be embarrassment over the idea of therapy, the parents felt a deep sense of suffering seeing their son upset and feeling lost as to how to help him.
Eventually, the parents were determined that utilizing therapy would be the best treatment for him. This acceptance by the parents was brave as they knew their son would be frustrated with them for even thinking about this. After a few weeks of treatment, it was determined that Jacob had been struggling with crippling anxiety. Now his symptoms could be understood and explained both to him and to his parents.
As parents, we are always looking out for our children’s well-being. When they complain of physical symptoms, it’s natural to assume that medical attention is required. For the child as well, physical checkups have always been deemed less stigmatizing than something related to one’s mental health. The struggle to watch one’s child in pain, wanting to help them and feeling as though therapy would be beneficial, can be painfully paralyzing.
Destigmatizing therapy for our children begins with fostering an open, supportive and nonjudgmental environment around mental health in general. When determining that therapy is best for one’s child, here are a few suggestions of how to have higher success in them being open to seeking therapy:
- Share personal experiences with therapy or counseling, if applicable, to demonstrate its benefits.
- If therapy is being introduced for a specific issue, explain why in a way that doesn’t make the child feel like they’ve done something wrong. For example, “We’re going to meet someone who can help us understand how you’re feeling and make things easier for you.”
- Teach them that therapy isn’t just for severe problems — it’s a resource to help anyone thrive.
- Avoid using stigmatizing language about mental health (e.g., “crazy,” “weak”) and instead promote understanding and empathy.
- Let them feel a sense of agency in the decision by explaining what therapy sessions might look like and allowing them to ask questions or express concerns.
- If possible, involve them in choosing a therapist so they feel more comfortable.
By normalizing mental health conversations, modeling openness and framing therapy positively, parents can reduce stigma and make the idea of seeking support more comfortable for their children. While resistance may still be met, the potential for openness to the experience may be more successful.
Max Kirshblum, LCSW, is the clinical director at Collaborative Minds Psychotherapy LLC. He has seasoned experience working with adolescents, young adults and family units impacted by trauma and has developed and presented multiple training programs on the topics of domestic violence and sexual abuse for clergy and community education programs. For more information about Max or to schedule an appointment with him, visit www.collaborativeminds.net/max-kirshblum.
