The concert of the century was coming to a city near you. Or at least that’s what the critics said.
Nobody really knew if Flounder could really play, but the word on the street was they were fantastic. Or she was fantastic. Or he was fantastic. You see, nobody really knew what Flounder was. All they knew is they wanted the live Flounder experience. The ticket line for the first Flounder show—in Old Mexico, New Mexico, stretched around the corner, down the block, past the shoe store and into the local recycling plant parking lot. People camped out for three nights just to get a spot in line and hopefully purchase tickets for this once-in-a-lifetime experience. So what exactly did the critics say?
The latest edition of Music You Can Listen to All Month had no less than four articles on the upcoming performance. Each MY CLAM expert had been given a sneak preview of the latest (and only) music from Flounder, and had each been blown away. “I felt like I was flying to the moon while eating Pop Rocks, drinking Coke and getting a foot massage from a golden retriever!” said Lester Bongos. “Have you ever spent three straight days lying in a hammock in perfect weather, with three perfect books and unlimited smoothies?” asked Ruben Ricks. “Well, I have, and this is way better!” Award-winning musician Grandma Goo Goo was completely overwhelmed—“I would give away all my money, all my family members, and everything I own, just to have one percent of the talent Flounder has!”
So, despite never having their music released, or listened to by a “regular” human being, Flounder had managed to sell out all 22 of their shows within a half hour of the tickets going on sale. Additionally, the information about where and when the tickets were being sold was posted on social media, so naturally it was the younger generation of music fans who got to the tickets first. A number of news programs featured interviews with angry adults who just missed out on their chance at the concert of a lifetime. “The kids with their Insta-post! I couldn’t get here fast enough!” complained one woman. “I saw on The Facebook about this Flounder person but then my America Online logged me out and by the time I got the information, the tickets were gone!” explained an annoyed-looking man.
It seemed like the tickets everywhere went to the kids, leaving the “real” music fans out in the cold. However, there was a catch. Three days before the Old Mexico show, Flounder put out an interesting announcement. “All those who feel they deserve to see Flounder live should wait outside the concert hall during the show.” Well, this piqued the interest of many of the local adults who had been planning to protest outside instead. On the protest WhatsApp group, the leaders were a bit suspicious that this was a trick to stop the protest, so just in case, they decided to bring their signs.
The day of the show arrived, and so did the ticket-holders—at least two hours early. When the doors finally opened, they were ushered in through a long, dark, narrow hallway and finally into the concert hall, and to their seats. However, nobody sat down immediately. This was because on each chair rested a small note that read, “Are you sure you deserve this?” Some audience members simply chuckled at the note and then sat on it. Others pushed the note to the ground, annoyed at the thought. A few actually seemed to be wondering if they indeed did belong here. Either way, every spectator eventually took a seat, and the concert began.
First, what looked like the lead singer took the stage, holding a microphone and what looked like an electric toothbrush. He turned the toothbrush on and began to brush his teeth into the microphone. Then, out of the shadows stepped a woman holding a guitar. She played a chord once, then again, and then again, and then again, and then again. She continued that same chord over and over, while the lead singer/brusher continued to brush.
At this point, some audience members began to doubt their decision to purchase tickets. Two friends in the front row exchanged looks of annoyance, and three others in the back row began to laugh. Immediately, the seats in which these five people were sitting flipped over and the audience members disappeared beneath the stage. Nobody else seemed to notice because their eyes were still fixated on the strangeness happening on stage. At this point, two other band members joined the stage, one juggling iPhones, each playing a different song. The other was playing a piano with one hand and setting off fireworks with the other.
By now, almost all of the seats in the audience had flipped over and the crowd was basically gone. Beneath the stage, the audience members climbed out of the safety net they had fallen into. Three walls of the room were covered wall-to-wall with books and magazines about music and listening stations to enjoy songs. On the fourth wall, written in giant letters, was the phrase “First, you need to put in the work.”
Back in the concert hall, Flounder continued playing to the empty room. As they finished their first “song,” the doors in the back opened, and a rush of adults entered the room. These were the adults who felt they “belonged” because they had been studying music their entire lives, and therefore felt they could appreciate a unique music experience more than most people. They filled the seats and spent the next few hours experiencing the greatest concert of their lives.
In Parshat Shemini, Nadav and Avihu entered the Mishkan without permission to offer ketoret—incense that creates a large cloud of smoke. As a result, they were punished with fire. Why was fire the proper response to their mistake? Perhaps it’s because the smoke represents an extremely powerful experience with Hashem, like the cloud that Moshe entered on Har Sinai. Nadav and Avihu wanted this cloud experience without putting in the work to earn it. Hashem sent the fire as if to say, “Just as smoke doesn’t appear out of the blue (it needs fire to produce it), so too you can’t have Moshe’s level of holiness without earning it with your work.”
Yair Daar is the middle school dean of students at Yeshivat He’Atid. He can be reached at [email protected].
