For the past 20 years, I have had the privilege of helping couples navigate the challenges of marriage. As a physician assistant, I have been present for some of the most intimate and vulnerable moments in their lives, witnessing how stress, illness and life transitions can test even the strongest relationships.
Early in my career, I worked in radiation oncology, caring for women with breast cancer and men with prostate cancer—both facing life-altering diagnoses that profoundly impacted their marriages. Later, I shifted my focus to helping women at various stages of life manage their intimate relationships. Through these experiences, I have heard countless women say the same thing: “Why did no one tell me this?”
This question isn’t just about medical changes or intimacy. It reflects a much deeper issue:many women enter marriage unprepared for what a healthy relationship truly looks like.
The Silence Around Relationship Guidance
As a mother of children entering adulthood, an aunt to nieces and nephews who are dating or married, and a friend to parents guiding their children through the dating process, I see a troubling pattern. From an early age, we meticulously teach our children life skills—how to tie their shoes, hold a pencil correctly, be a good teammate and ride a bike. But when they reach the most significant decision of their lives—who to marry and what is normal in a relationship—many parents suddenly stop the conversation.
Instead, we pass them off to kallah teachers, rebbeim or educators, assuming they will provide all the necessary guidance. Yet, time and time again, I hear from parents who say, “You have to talk to my daughter before she gets married.” And then, months or years into their marriage, these same young women come to me asking, “Why didn’t my kallah teacher tell me this?”
Keeping the Conversation Open
Marriage is too important a decision to leave entirely in the hands of outside educators. Parents must remain involved. We need to foster open, honest and comfortable discussions with our children—not just about the wedding day, but about the realities of a lifelong partnership. They need to understand emotional connection, conflict resolution, intimacy and what is normal in a relationship.
The silence surrounding these topics leaves young people feeling unprepared and alone when they face challenges in their marriage. If we, as parents, make these conversations as natural as teaching our children to ride a bike or be a good friend, we can empower them to build stronger, healthier relationships.
So let’s not stop talking. Let’s be the ones to tell them before they have to ask, “Why did no one tell me this?”
Miriam Sapeika, PA-C, founder and creator of Soft Touch Health Solutions, is dedicated to helping individuals and couples navigate health and relationships. With over 20 years as a physician assistant, she has spent over a decade guiding women through various life stages, addressing often-overlooked aspects of marriage and intimacy. As a mother and trusted advisor, she bridges the gap between what is taught and what is truly needed for strong relationships, fostering open conversations that empower individuals to build healthy, lasting connections. www.softtouchhealthsolutions.com
