For the first time since leaving Russia five years ago and heading west, the Borgov family was starting to feel at home. The decision to move followed Elizabeth Borgov winning her 12th straight national tennis championship. Winning 12 straight championships was one thing. More remarkable was that Elizabeth’s last four tennis crowns came in the men’s division. So it was only natural for Elizabeth to look for the next level of competition, which she found in the United States. So Elizabeth, her husband, Vasily, and her sons Alex and Mikhail settled down in Cincinnati to start a new life.
Of course there were bumps along the way. Alex and Mikhail, who were big football and basketball fans, were crushed to learn that they now had to root for the Bengals and the Cavaliers. They cried for two weeks until they found out there is a place where people grow up as Knicks and Jets fans. After that, Ohio didn’t seem too bad to them. Vasily had a hard time finding a job, until he realized that the last job on his resume, president of a packing company, accidentally replaced the first letter of “packing” with an “h.” After he fixed that, getting a job was no problem. So there were challenges, but five years later, all was good with the Borgovs.
Alex was 16 years old and entering the 11th grade. He had done well at school, and of course, he was captain of the chess team. Alex looked to be on track to get into a good college, but his parents thought he should aim higher. So, one night, Vasily and Elizabeth discussed convincing Alex to join a few honors classes at school. His English was now basically perfect, and he was breezing through his work. Elizabeth said she would open the conversation with Alex and see how it went.
The following evening, after cleaning up from dinner (it was Alex’s night to wash the dishes) Alex was still down in the kitchen, making himself a post-dessert sandwich. Elizabeth headed down, noticed that her long-haired teenager was hunched over his plate and alone, so she began the conversation. “Alex?” “Yeah! Yeah!” replied her son. He was always doing silly things like that—singing instead of talking. She continued. “Can I ask you something?” Alex smiled. “Yeah! Yeah!” Elizabeth continued, trying not to get annoyed as Alex took a huge bite of bread, turkey, pastrami, mustard, pickles, jalapeño peppers, sauerkraut, and potato chips. “I’d like to discuss you taking a few honors classes.”
Alex kept chewing as his mother gave a five-minute explanation. After her pitch was over, she asked, “So, what do you think?” Alex swallowed and began to sing. “I can’t do it! I can’t do it!” Elizabeth was disappointed. “Why won’t you even consider it?” Once again, Alex responded in song. “I can’t do it because I’m a loser! That’s what everyone tells me I am!” Now Elizabeth started to feel a combination of frustration, sadness and guilt. “What do you mean you are a loser, Alex? Who calls you that?” But Alex clearly didn’t want to talk about it.
At that moment, Vasily walked in. Elizabeth went over to tell him what just happened. Vasily walked into the kitchen. “Alex, can you tell me what you just told your mother?” Alex kept his back to his father, and once again responded in song. “I’ll keep this secret to myself. Nobody’s business but my ooooown!” A confused look crossed Vasily’s face as Alex continued singing. “Baby, baby, baby, don’t mind my business! Baby, baby, baby, I have no interest!” Vasily moved forward and tapped Alex on the shoulder. Alex spun around and almost fell out of his chair. “Father! Don’t scare me like that! Mother, when did you get here?!”
Vasily reached underneath Alex’s hair, pulled out two ear pods, and laughed as he handed them to his wife. Alex looked back at his parents. “Well, it’s good you are both here. I wanted to tell you that I signed up for next years’ honors courses. Oh and have you heard this new song called “I’m a Loser?”
Moshe Rabbeinu came to Bnei Yisrael with news that Hashem was ready to free them from slavery. However, Moshe was unsuccessful in raising their spirits; they wouldn’t listen. From this failure Moshe assumed that he surely could not convince Pharaoh. However, the Torah tells us that the fault was not Moshe’s; there was something holding Bnei Yisrael back from being inspired by anyone. The pasuk says that Bnei Yisrael did not listen due to the pressure of the backbreaking labor (“kotzer ruach va’avodah kasha”). They had no chance to listen because something else was in the way. There was little Moshe could have done.
Hearing others express negative feelings inspires us to jump in and help. However, a common occurrence is for that help to be rejected with further negativity. No matter the advice we give, nothing works. Often, this failure is because the person on the other end is dealing with other challenges that we don’t know about. Sometimes a person might not even realize what is truly bothering him or her.
Like Alex’s father, our job is to listen and help identify what is really holding someone back. So, instead of judging others for not listening or caring, remember that even Moshe Rabbeinu didn’t realize why Bnei Yisrsel didn’t listen. Try and help each person get rid of the kotzer ruach that’s getting in the way. May Hashem give us the patience not to judge right away, and the wisdom to help others with what is really bothering them.
