Yiddish is a wonderful language and what some may describe as an electric, eclectic, eccentric, enigmatic and/or ear-catching amalgam of Hebrew, Aramaic, German and certain other languages. It is fun to speak Yiddish because it is filled with adorable and incredibly fitting onomatopoeic words and phrases that add color and pizazz to any conversation. In fact, you do not necessarily have to speak Yiddish in order to understand it. If you listen carefully and follow the rhythm, you may not become fluent in Yiddish but you will not miss a beat.

Some parents and/or grandparents speak Yiddish only when they want to speak privately. In those instances, Yiddish is used as a secret code for purposes of confidentiality and perhaps to keep the peace. Of course, since Yiddish is not particularly difficult to decipher, it lends itself to code-cracking and thus probably is not the best way to keep a secret. Even if children and/or grandchildren find it impossible to catch on, speaking Yiddish only for secrecy is still not a great idea because like an obvious tell in poker, it is a dead giveaway that something is afoot, amiss or awry. Parents and grandparents would be better off just excusing themselves and adjourning to another room or showing some self-control by waiting for privacy. They, however, often lack the necessary discipline and patience and therefore resort to relying on Yiddish as a form of Morse code.

On a related noted, there are many words in the English language that sound as though they could or should be Yiddish even though they absolutely are not. Here are some examples of non-Yiddish words that could easily be mistaken as or pass for a Yiddish word:

(1) cashmere, like when you spill red wine on your new white sweater and exclaim: “Oy vey izcashmere!”

(2) tarantula, like when a child steals a spider from his aunt and is reprimanded for doing so: “Tevya, my tatala, please give the tarantula back to your tanti.”

(3) struts, like when a play-by-play announcer describes a yutz going to buy some matzah: “Schimmy the Schmendrik straps on his streimel and struts to the store for some Streit’s.”

(4) unkempt, like if your parents complain about your appearance: “Oy, we are so verklempt and faklempt because Fritzy is so unkempt!”

(5) sketch, like when an artist‘s assistant refuses to bring him his latest drawing: “Please don’t kvetch when I ask you to fetch my sketch.”

(6) snooze, like on Purim when you are too tired and inebriated to socialize: “I’d love to schmooze but I had a bit too much booze so I need to take a snooze.”

(7) convey, like when an pollster neglects to relay important data: “Oy vey, I forgot to convey the results of the survey.”

(8) smear, like when a politician ridicules a bagel-eating opponent: “I made fun of how my rival schmeared cream-cheese on a bagel and now I’ve been accused of a smear-campaign.”

(9) trek, like when a child makes a mess in the backyard: “Yitzy, you stepped in mud so please don’t trek that dreck across the deck.”

(10) meniscus, like when a physician is unable to heal your injured leg: “That doctor is duffus. I went to him about my gimpy knee but he did bupkis for my meniscus.”

(11) dress, like when your friend Tessa ruins their outfit while eating: “Tess, how can you continue to ess and fress when the sauce is running all over your dress?”

(12) asphalt, like when your friend Walter paves a street incorrectly: “Walt, oy gevalt, you were supposed to use asphalt!”

(13) rubbish, like when someone falsely accuses you of being a weak simpleton: “When I hear you call me a nebbish, I think its‘s pure rubbish.

(14) gosh, like when your friend Joshua continues to over-eat: “Oh my gosh, Josh, I can’t believe you still want to nosh.”

(15) scenic, like when you are visiting someone who is wearing a long garment and is very annoying but lives in a beautiful location: “He really is a such a nudnik in a tunic, but this area is so scenic.”

(16) pretzel, like when you give a snack to someone with bad luck: “I felt bad for the schlimazel so I gave him my last pretzel.”

(17) whistle, like when you want to signal to someone that they are permitted to take only a small piece of something: “If you hear me whistle, only take a bissel.”

(18) grimace, like when someone frowns when you cause a fuss: “The reason you see me grimace is because you’re making such a big tsimmes.”

Final thought: If dairy if milchig and meat is fleishig, then shouldn’t pareve be parevig? Discuss.

By Jon Kranz