College is a singular experience, especially when you attend a Jewish college. I love it, but Stern has its quirks and it’s not always easy to catch on. If you’re attending this fall, never fear; I have compiled my top tips for all your survival needs.

Food costs money. A lot of money. Why should tea in the cafeteria cost $1.09 when a whole box of tea bags costs $2?

Buying the textbook is optional. Doing the reading is optional. Showing up on time is optional. Is college optional?

Laptops in class are meant for checking WhatsApp and Simcha Spot, online shopping and generally anything that isn’t note-taking.

Raw cookie dough is a legitimate dinner option. Bonus points if you actually bake it before eating.

Fire drills should only be held at night, preferably in winter, with everyone in their pajamas blocking the entire sidewalk.

Dorm cleaning is really one large game of chicken. All you need to do to win is ignore the overflowing garbage until someone else takes it out.

Dining with other human beings is passe. Eating lunch with your laptop by your side is much more fulfilling. Just remember your computer doesn’t count for a mezumin.

Davening in the beit midrash is best done right in front of the seforim everyone needs.

Class selection has nothing to do with whether you enjoy the class and everything to do with the professor being an easy A.

No event can be held without free food, hopefully Bravo’s pizza, if you want anyone to show up.

Papers written at 3 a.m. the night before have a certain je ne se quoi that papers written with full brain function can’t touch.

If you are not engaged by graduation, you have failed, no matter your GPA.

By Dassie Okin

Dassie Okin is from West Orange. She is currently a rising junior at Stern College and a summer intern at
The Jewish Link.