Moshe Rabbeinu is exhausted. He has led the children of Israel through the wilderness for months. Time after time, they have tested his patience with their complaints against Heaven. In desperation, he turns to Hashem and asks Him to spread the burden. The Almighty tells him to designate 70 elders, upon whom the divine spirit will rest. Moshe does so, and all of a sudden prophecy abounds.
Two of the elders—Eldad and Medad—begin to prophesy ceaselessly, revealing many secrets. Most of the people are spellbound, but upon hearing their deepest revelation—Moshe’s closest disciple—Yehoshua cries, “Enough!” He can’t believe what he’s heard. They’re announcing to the people that Moshe will die and that Yehoshua will take over the leadership of the nation. Yehoshua runs over to his rebbe and insists that they must put a stop to it all. But Moshe calms him down. “If only the entire Israel were prophets!” He exclaims.
***Today’s daf discusses a man who writes a get on a plant or tree. Is it valid?
אֵין כּוֹתְבִין בִּמְחוּבָּר לַקַּרְקַע כְּתָבוֹ עַל הַמְחוּבָּר לַקַּרְקַע תְּלָשׁוֹ חֲתָמוֹ וּנְתָנוֹ לָהּ כָּשֵׁר“One may not write a get on material attached to the ground. If he wrote it on attached material, but then detached it, signed it and gave it to the wife, it is kosher.”
Undoubtedly, some people want to get away as cheap as possible when it comes to divorce, but why would he write the get on a tree and leave it there? If he would simply detach it, it would be kosher. So, why would anyone contemplate leaving it attached?
It appears we are dealing with a person who has issues with letting go and giving up control. After years of emotional abuse, the wife finally musters up the courage to demand a divorce. How does he respond? “Sure, you can have a divorce. But I’m writing it here on this tree in our backyard. I’m happy with officially divorcing you. But you’re not going anywhere.”
He might be acting perversely for any number of reasons. Maybe he refuses to grant her custody of the children and wants her around to raise them. Maybe he wants her to be his homemaker, even if she isn’t his wife. That’s the ultimate “chained” woman. Such an attitude is completely unacceptable and the get is not kosher.
Sometimes in life, people know that they must move on, but they are unable to let go. It may be a case of divorce. Divorce is never pretty. Our Sages teach that the holy altar sheds tears when a couple divorces. But if it must happen, the Torah sanctions divorce. Indeed, it’s a mitzvah. But it’s not just a formality. It’s a serious life-altering decision.
Once the husband and wife have decided to go their separate ways, they must go their separate ways. Neither should hold the other hostage with negotiations over finances, children or the get. And it goes without saying that they must never attempt to control their ex’s life. I know this couple who got divorced and she insisted on approving who he dated! That’s a case of writing the get on material connected to the ground. A divorce must be a clean break. It’s a decision to “get” going and “get” on with your life.
It’s not only about literal divorce. Some people have issues letting go in other areas of their life. If you are a successful professional or business owner, you know that effective leadership entails delegating work to various individuals and departments without feeling the constant need to peer over everyone’s shoulders. Success often means letting go. You understand that their success is your success. And you are genuinely happy to watch them thrive with their new responsibilities. Moshe understood this principle. He didn’t feel threatened by Eldad and Medad or talk of Yehoshua’s succession.
I know rabbis who left their pulpits, but maintained overly close ties with the “important” people in their former shuls. Keeping good lifelong relationships is wonderful, but it must not infringe on the new rabbi’s position. When they ask you to officiate at their wedding or funeral, you must politely remind them that there’s a new rabbi in place.
Similarly, letting go of your adult children is vital. When their children grow up, some parents struggle with creating healthy boundaries. But once your kids are married and out of the house, their business is not your business. As difficult as it may be to let go, you need to detach that branch from your roots. If you’ve nurtured your little shrubs well, rest assured that they will always be there for you. But from your end, you must give them the space to grow spiritually, professionally and with their spouse and children.
You can’t say goodbye when the get is still attached. When it’s time to move on, you must have the courage to let go and move on. May you always give the people in your life room to be and grow!
Rabbi Dr. Daniel Friedman is the author of The Transformative Daf series and the founder of the Center for Torah Values. www.transformativedaf.com
