For all of us this year, the excitement of the chag has to be tempered by the news. I need to force myself to look at the faces of the hostage families who so bravely are still speaking out as much as possible about the need to rescue their relatives (who are our relatives as well). Who can look at Rachel Goldberg without tears in their eyes as she constantly speaks out to remind the world about her wonderful son, Hersh? I then say to myself, “Painful? Keep looking straight at her and do not turn your head.” Omer Neutra, 22, of Plainview, New York and Edan Alexander, 19, of Tenafly, two young idealistic Americans who joined the IDF and were taken as hostages on October 7 are still nowhere to be heard from or found.

And so many locals are off to Colombia, Costa Rica, Cancun, the Bahamas, Greece, Florida, etc despite this lingering shadow over all our heads. I get it. There is nothing they can do about what is going on anyway. So why should they curtail their plans? I don’t have an answer that can justify what I think and feel. I have learned that the only person I am responsible for is myself and I do realize how limited I am in taking further steps to change my lifestyle due to the situation our people are in today. For me the most important thing I can do is to constantly be in touch with my Israeli friends and wishfully go to Israel and walk the streets as frequently as possible. Still pervasive in my mind are the number of Israelis who asked me while I was there in January why I had come to Israel, and they were overwhelmingly shocked when I answered, “Because I care.”

I find myself underwhelmed by any chag that I have celebrated in the past two years. A holiday of any sort just emphasizes the hollow in my soul since I lost my beloved Mordechai. The emptiness of our home just becomes more exaggerated and the gaping hole I feel becomes more and more pronounced. Yet, I am able to carefully examine my own heart and realize how totally different and devastating it has to be for those who have no idea where their loved ones are, with the knowledge that they might not be alive and the brutal manner in which their lives were disrupted. One should never ever compare loss. Each situation has its own valid uniqueness and there should be no competition. As difficult as it may seem, for me the most effective way of plowing through life is not trying to understand Hashem’s plan, and accepting, as difficult as it may seem, that we are not meant to understand any of it.

I happily think about the tons of memories from the many Pesachim which we hosted in our home with all of our children and grandchildren “coming home.” As I have said over and over again, in making an effort one can see the beauty of cousins reuniting each year after living miles and miles apart and making their friendships stronger as they grew older. Zaidie’s chrein continues to be made each year on back decks in Teaneck and Rochester and even Norfolk, Virginia, which I am sure would make him most proud. Rumor has it that they are curtailing their processing as their “peelers” get older and some will not make enough this year to last them until Rosh Hashanah, and perhaps only through Shavuot. I cringe in disappointment but I know as my great grandchildren grow older the minhag will continue with even more gusto.

I wish everyone a chag kasher v’sameach, assuming that each one of us will take the time to remember those who are alone, who have special needs and most importantly those who are somewhere in Gaza waiting for the day that they can be reunited with their families. May it happen sooner than later. Our hearts cannot be the same until we know that each one has been accounted for. Remember them at your Sedarim and continue to enjoy your Pesach, albeit in a slightly different way.

Nina Glick can be reached at [email protected].