Rosh Hashanah is once again upon us. If only there were some warning. And even though we mostly think about the seriousness of the day, we cannot forget that it’s also a Yom Tov. After all, we’re all familiar with the famous Ma’amar Chazal, which says: “Dip the apple in the honey; Make a bracha loud and clear. L’shana tovah umesukah, Have a happy, sweet new year.” (Ibid 1a)
OK, maybe those aren’t the exact words of Chazal. I think I’m paraphrasing. But this is something we all remember, word for word, because as it turns out, songs are excellent mnemonic devices. My kids don’t remember what Unesaneh Tokef is from year to year, but they will never ever forget about dipping the apple in the honey or what dreidels are made of, or what Pharaoh decided to wear during Makas Bechoros.
So I think kindergartens should sing about even more things. Right now, to my knowledge, they basically sing about two parts of Rosh Hashanah—honey and the shofar. And those are the things that stick. And the shofar does not have one universal song. I asked a few kindergarten morahs, because I come from a family of mechanchim, apparently. And it seems that it’s a machlokes.
For some reason, I remember that some of my siblings came home from school singing the following song, T.T.T.O. “I’m a Little Teapot,” which is a song designed to get kids excited about tea:
“I’m a little shofar, big and strong;
When you will blow me, you will hear my song.
I have three voices that are loud and clear,
So pay attention, and you will hear.”
I’m not sure I got all the words right to this one, because the first line is a stirah. How can you be a “little shofar big and strong”?
Meanwhile, my sister, who’s been teaching kindergarten since before I found out she was teaching kindergarten, tells me the shofar song is as follows (T.T.T.O. “The Wheels on the Bus”):
“The shofar in the shul goes, Toot toot toot,
Toot toot toot,
Toot toot toot.
The shofar in the shul goes, Toot toot toot…
“And so on,” my sister says.
“What do you mean, ‘And so on’?” I wanted to know. “How does it end?”
Turns out that even in that, there are different nuschaos. One teacher said it ends with “All day long.” But that doesn’t make sense to me, unless you daven in a really slow minyan. Or you have a brand-new Baal Tokeiah and a really exacting Baal Makri. That’s why the entire song seems to be stuck on a single Shevarim.
Or maybe it makes sense, because if you think about it, there’s a women’s blowing and another women’s blowing, and then the guy blows in the nursing home, so it might actually be all day long.
Whereas some other teachers my daughter asked said the song ends with “On Rosh Hashanah day,” which to me makes more sense.
So basically, for one of the most effective methods of teaching facts about this Yom Tov, we have two songs, and the second one is a machlokes. We should have songs about everything! Our 4-year-olds are sitting there watching everyone eat zucchini and thinking, “What is this? I didn’t learn about this!”
And no, that doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to teach our 4-year-olds 50 tunes the first week of school. We can just use the existing tunes.
For example, here are some songs to start with, T.T.T.O. “Dip the Apple.”
Dip the keilim in the mikvah;
Make a bracha loud and clear.
If you drop stuff, you can climb in—Kill two birds with just one spear.
Say, “Good Yom Tov” to the rabbi,
And all the people in your shul:
“L’shana tovah tika… something,”
They don’t teach dikduk in school.
Take a date that’s filled with honey,
Don’t forget to make Ha’eitz.
If you’ve a sibling in shidduchim,
This will be the part she hates.
Pomegranates are kind of seedy—Some say they have 613!
There is no good way to eat them,
And you do not come out clean.
Pass the fish head ’round the table;
Is there nothing left to pick?
The guy near me ate the eyeball,
And I think I’m getting sick.
Take a pumpkin or zucchini,
Or some other type of squash,
You can bake it in a kugel,
Or a nasty hamantasch.
There are so many ways to make beets,
Like a borscht or marinade.
But no matter how you make them,
You’ll have more left than you made.
We are done all the simanim,
Clear the table for the next dish.
What’s that floating in the honey?
I think it’s a piece of fish.
Throw the fish head in the garbage,
No one eats it leftover night.
If it goes back in the fridge your,
Kids will use it in a fight.
Don’t eat nuts on Rosh Hashanah,
As the sum comes out to “chait”
And it messes your kavana,
’Cuz it makes you salivate.
We can also make some more songs using either of the shofar tunes, such as these little ditties T.T.T.O. “I’m a Little Shofar.”
I’m a little kittel, white and fine!
Here is my gartel; here’s my hemline.
I look like a malach by design!
And here is the part that is covered in wine.
Hataras Nedarim; I arise!
“Here are my Shvuos, and here are my lies.
Here’s the things I’ve said, now please advise.
Why does our group have seven guys?”
And here are some songs T.T.T.O. “The Shofar on the Bus” or whatever. Admittedly, these were not easy:
For Rosh Hashanah we buy:
Sweets sweets sweets,
Meats meats meats,
Seats seats seats.
For that last thing we should save our receipts ceipts ceipts,
So guests can pay us back.
The people at the river go:
“Pray pray pray,
Sway sway sway,
Vey vey vey.”
The children at the river go play play play;
Don’t feed the ducks.
Anyway, the good news is that now these songs are stuck in your head. I’m sorry. There’s no way to fix this.
Mordechai Schmutter is a freelance writer and a humor columnist for Hamodia and other magazines. He has also published eight books and does stand-up comedy. You can contact him at [email protected].
