Amazingly a dream has come true in Teaneck. The first group of residents has moved into their new home at The Bayit. For those who are not aware, The Bayit Association provides safe, secure, supportive living arrangements for adults with developmental disabilities in Northern New Jersey. It is indeed a miracle as there has been no such facility in our community and local families no longer have to worry as to where they will find living arrangements for their special needs child that is relatively local, kosher and shomer Shabbat.

It is great; no one knows better than I. Yet my tears flow in understanding the parents who make this decision, who wish that they never had to be in this situation. Young adults, our family members who should be allowed to choose what they want to do with their lives, will never be given that opportunity as we their families have to do what we believe is best for them. It is not only best for them but it is best for the entire family. Yet it does not come without enormous pain. My daughter Naama could almost be a grandmother now. Instead she needs to be taken care of for her entire life. Our desire was that she should not be a burden on her siblings, and that was the correct decision to make. I have no regrets but I now see the painstaking feelings that those who are slowly bringing their children into The Bayit have to go through. I hope that one day they will truly believe that they have made the right decision because in the beginning nerves are so frayed and there is so much worry involved in the transition that it is hard to celebrate this infamous occasion. I remember wanting to run away when our daughter made the move into a group home at the age of 20. I did not want to meet or speak with anyone. I wanted her to marry as her sisters did. I wanted her to make her own choices in life and that will never happen. I was overwhelmingly sad when one would have thought that I should be ecstatic. For families making this move it takes time to celebrate and realize what a great choice they have made. Only time will allow them to enjoy their life, which will be much more free. We are talking about families with children in their 20s and teens who cannot even go to the supermarket unless they have someone to stay at home with their special child. In some cases part of the burden falls on other family members until they also in due time move on to the next step in their lives. Before the ultimate joy and happiness there is a tremendous amount of pain so please be kind, considerate and understanding of those who are gradually going through this process.

Quite oddly, it is almost like a grieving process. What has taken up so much of your time for so many years is hard to let go of. How can we be sure that they will be well taken care of, happy, given their meds (if need be) at the proper time, will wake up with them at night if they need something. How, how, how??????? In our case I remember that despite how great it was I would occasionally say to my Mordechai, “Why aren’t they doing more activities on a Sunday? Why aren’t they taking her out?” and then he would remind me that they were doing exactly what we did. They took her when they could, put her in front of the TV at times, and did activities much more often than we were able. We were so tortured by the unsurety of the situation that in the beginning I would find things. Then one day it dawned on me that she was so happy, loved her new environment, was well taken care of, probably as well as we did, and I was able to begin relaxing and started to enjoy life even more.

To my Dena and Moshe, whose son Zev is now a resident at The Bayit, I cannot tell you how proud I am of both of you for paving the way for others to avail themselves of such a facility. More than that, for being aware of the fact that this is what is best for Zev despite the pain and agony that you are living through at the moment. I wrap my arms around you and all other parents who have to make this painful decision. May you continue to derive much pleasure from Zev and all of your other children and may you and all others gain from the realization that what you are doing is the right thing and that the community applauds you.

Nina Glick can be reached at [email protected]