In case you weren’t aware, I’m a triplet–two boys and one girl. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let me talk about another set of triplets, from Staten Island. Their parents and our parents met in the hospital where the six of us were all in the NICU (neonatal intensive-care unit) and became friends. Apparently, after that, we all met up a few times for birthday parties and other get-togethers. I say “apparently” because the last of those meetings happened when we were about 5–nearly 12 years ago!
I remember very few things from when I was 5 (I remember fooling around in pre-K and once getting finger paint on the teacher, but other than that it’s a bit of a blank), and I didn’t remember these triplets at all from then. But back in November 2012, they found my siblings and me on Facebook, and we began talking about meeting up sometime.
I mean, it seemed only natural, right? If we haven’t seen each other in a long time, we should get together and get to know each other again, right? Even if it’s been over a decade. Sadly, thanks to the scheduling conflict known as “The Busy Lives of the Oppenheims” (soon to be a major motion picture), the get-together was pushed off for nearly two years, and in that time the other triplets and our family were talking less and less about meeting up. I began to think that maybe it just wouldn’t happen. I mean, we hadn’t seen each other in a long time; it had been over a decade… Wouldn’t it be really awkward? Did we have that much in common with them anymore? Was it worth it?
This story does have (spoiler alert!) a happy ending, but first I’d like to take a deeper look into that idea. People come in and out of our lives as we go through the years, yet often they’re hard to forget. It feels to me like adjusting a camera’s focus–now you see them clearly, now they’re blurry–but they’re still there, in the back of our minds.
I’ve met people in camp whom I was once really close with, but then I fell out of touch with them as time went on, and now they really only exist to me in my memory. I managed to keep in touch with some friends from my old school, Yeshivat Noam, through texting and Facebook, but now that I’ve become so invested in high school, it’s been hard to stay in contact with many others. (Yes, Noam Class of 2012 alumni, this is a hint to drop me a line.) Even in high school currently, there are people whom I sometimes speak to a lot because of the common classes we have, and then later not at all when classes change and we don’t see each other as much.
Maybe it’s just me, but it bothers me. I know time passes and things change, and I’d never want to worship and cling onto the past when the future can hold so much promise. I’ll keep meeting new people and getting to know current friends better. But I also wish that I could hold onto old friendships that I fall out of contact with. Yes, this happens even in today’s age of social media and texting and email and all that–it’s unavoidable when you have nothing to do with some people any longer, but it still doesn’t feel right.
On the flip side, there are also those amazing moments when someone you fell out of touch with suddenly gets back in contact with you. For instance, the triplets I mentioned above who found us on Facebook again are among those from my past who’ve sent me a friend request and suddenly came back into focus in my life. Or there was the time when a person I knew a little–barely, but I remembered him–from camp suddenly joined my school at the beginning of 10th grade. Now we’ve become good friends, and it was great to have a jumping-off point to talk to him about. (“Remember me from camp?”)
Of course, even if I were actually able to meet up with all of these people whom I’ve fallen out of touch with… how would it go? In my personal experience, it’s really run the gamut from awkward hello-how-are-you to full-on reconnection and fun. (“How are you?” is the least-ever answered question in the universe, by the way.) It’s something I’m growing to accept–there’s no possible way to truly remain connected to everyone you’ve met. Instead of remaining in the past and thinking of all of the good times, then lamenting when we fall out of touch or meet up and it goes awkwardly, I can look at it with a different perspective. At least we had those good memories years ago that I can appreciate, and then be ready and keep myself open to reconnect if we get the chance. If the next time I meet with one of those people is a bit awkward, at least I got to see him or her again. And if it goes well, all the better.
This brings me back to meeting up with that set of triplets. My family went out to a Staten Island park to meet them, and in the parking lot I finally saw them in person for the first time in 12 years. How did it go? It started out a bit awkwardly, but then we all started playing Frisbee and exploring the park together. We had a great day, and most of all, it was a great new beginning.
Oren Oppenheim, age 16, lives in Fair Lawn, New Jersey and attends Ramaz Upper School in Manhattan. He spends his free time writing and reading, and hopes to become a published novelist. You can email him at [email protected].
By Oren Oppenheim
