Moshe went up for 40 days to receive the complete Torah on Mount Sinai. His return was delayed by only a few hours. Yet, in this week’s parsha of Ki Sisa, we read that those few hours were all it took for the new Jewish nation to forget all of the miracles they had recently witnessed, when they were leaving Egypt and when they received the 10 commandments. They went to work on fashioning a golden calf, worshiping it as an idol and proclaiming, “This is your god, O Israel, which brought you out from the land of Egypt,” (32:4).
“Matan Torah—the presentation of the Torah,” was likened by the sages to a marriage between Hashem and the Jewish people. When the Jewish people were “proposed” to, they said, in effect, “I do.” Moshe went up the mountain to get the luchot (tablets), equivalent to the kesubah. Yet before he could return, the people were already unfaithful.
Hashem tells Moshe that the Jewish people have become corrupt—“They have strayed … ” (32:8). He was ready to punish them all. One might have thought that Moshe would have easily agreed. He must have been disappointed too. However, that is not Moshe’s reaction. Moshe begs for forgiveness on their behalf and issues an ultimatum to God—“And if not, blot me out from the book you have written.”
Hashem ultimately reconsiders and forgives the Jewish people. Not only that, He is willing to start from scratch again. He instructs Moshe, “Resculpt for yourself two new stone tablets, just like the first ones, and I will write the same words on them again,” (34:1). We can learn a powerful lesson about forgiveness from this account. One that can be applied to our interpersonal relationships and our marriages as well.
The story is told that Rav Shach used to give prospective advice to young men who were about to be married. He would point out this verse and remind them that stubbornness was one of the worst characteristics a person could bring into a marriage. No one should ever be inflexible and say, “This is me, and you must accept me as I am.” Instead, we must be able to resculpt ourselves when conflict might arise in a relationship. We must be like Moshe and always be ready to forgive.
Forgiveness is actually a way to free oneself. When we forgive others we are free of the heavy weight that anger and resentment can bring to bear. Forgiveness allows us to live a more satisfying and fulfilled life. It allows us to move beyond the negative feelings that might, otherwise, keep us stuck in a dark place. It allows us to re-sculpt ourselves and move on.
Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi points out that a Jewish man marries his wife with the words, “Harei at mikudeshes li… kedas Moshe v’Yisrael.” This translates to mean, “You are hereby married to me in accordance with the faith of Moshe and Yisrael.” What exactly is “daas Moshe—the faith of Moshe?”
The fact is that we will undoubtedly hit bumps along the way in our relationships. Problems might arise, things might be said or done that are hurtful or regrettable; our relationships might be challenged. However, we have to be ready to forgive, rebuild and give ourselves and others a second chance. We can always adapt, remold and resculpt ourselves like the second set of tablets and start anew. That is the legacy we obtain from Moshe Rabbeinu in this week’s parsha, one that we can take into our relationships. The Talmud (Avodah Zara 17a) tells us that one can be worthy of paradise—even if one was stubbornly wicked all of his life—as long as he repented and started anew with a more righteous attitude.
May Hashem bless us so that we maintain that positive perspective and attribute that Moshe taught us. May we continue to enjoy many happy years together with the special people in our lives—who may not always be perfect—but with whom we all deserve a chance to rebuild and grow. Just as with the second pair of tablets (luchot), we should give ourselves and our loved ones a second chance to adapt, resculpt and start fresh.
Rabbi Dr. Avi Kuperberg is a forensic, clinical psychologist and a member of the American Psychology-Law Society. He is the coordinator of Bikur Cholim/Chesed at Congregation Torah Ohr in Boca Raton, Florida. He can be reached at [email protected].
