Imagine your next shopping experience. You enter your favorite store, excited at the prospect of finding something wonderful to add to your wardrobe. You stroll past the entrance and start breezing through the racks. You find a sweater, one that is absolutely your style and somewhat unique. You look to find your size and then notice that in this store there are no longer any sizes–anywhere. The store is devoid of labels and rather than agonize, people are simply taking the clothes that seem to be a close fit. At first there is stress and frustration: it would be so much simpler to find your size and know that you’re done. But then, there is something liberating about this experience. Shopping is no longer filled with judgment or disappointment or obsession over what size you fit into.
There was once a time when I refused to buy anything that was not of a specific size. Shopping wasn’t about enhancing my wardrobe or flexing my fashion-muscles, but instead an experience that could be labeled and stamped as either “successful” or “unsuccessful,” depending on if I fit into this pre-conceived size toward which I was greatly attached.
If I didn’t fit into that size, there were two options: I could force it. I would buy clothes that I knew were too small but hoped I’d fit into them someday and buy them as a motivation or promise myself that I would one day return to being smaller. This thinking would take over my mind and manifest itself in my behaviors and habits until my goal was accomplished. The other option: I broke down. There were many occasions where I could be found crying in a dressing room because the sizes didn’t fit and my reflection seemed to be mocking me.
Granted, I had an eating disorder at the time. I was not in the healthiest of mindsets and I used my body as a symptom to reflect what was going on inside my mind and heart. Still, I know many people who approach shopping in a similar way. The experience is no longer about personal satisfaction but becomes about labels and sizes. Yes, it is normal to care about our appearances. But it seems somewhat abnormal that we let these unimportant numbers take over how we view ourselves.
This is not to say that everyone has this experience. Some people find sizes comforting in that there’s stability, they know where they fall and it makes shopping easier. Yet, I believe that beyond the practicality we’ve assigned too much value to these sizes.
Shopping and wearing clothes should be about comfort and confidence, not a small label in the back. I heard of an experience recently when a woman was trying things on in her closet and found a wonderful sweater that she felt great in. But when she looked at the label and saw it was actually a bigger size than usual, she felt unattractive. There was no difference in the sweater or her appearance beyond an abstract word stitched into the collar.
When we let these things define us, even for a few moments, we lose sight of who we truly are; just like when we let one insult or one compliment define us, we lose sight of our character and our identity.
I am not defined by the size of my clothes or by others’ opinions of me. I am defined by my actions, my morals, my beliefs, and my soul. Do I ever get sidetracked? Do I ever let cruel words ruin an hour of my time? Yes…I’m human. But I actively work to remind myself that these things do not truly define me.
Just today I received a clothing order and among the eight items there were about four different sizes. The pieces were comfy and matched my style. The fact that one thing was two sizes bigger than another made no difference–I don’t dress myself according to any labels.
That size-free world may be complicated and impractical, but perhaps we can work together to foster that experience within ourselves. Do not beat yourself–or your body–up over small words or numbers sewn into the back of your clothes. Instead, celebrate and be kind to yourself because you have so much more to offer than a silly size.
Temimah Zucker is a graduate student at the Wurzweiler School of Social Work and has worked in the eating disorder field for three years. Do you want to bring Temimah to your local institution to speak about eating disorders, body image, or confidence? Email her–[email protected]
By Temimah Zucker
