There was an episode of the original television series “The Twilight Zone” that will forever stick out in my mind. To be clear, I grew up on the Rod Serling series, watching it from a young age and can recall seeing “Time Enough at Last” and the “The Masks” before I was 7 years old. But the episode I’m thinking of is one that may not be as well-known.
“The Trade-Ins” follows the story of John and Marie Holt, an elderly couple who—based on John’s physical health and constant pain—consider a life-changing procedure that will allow them essentially to enter new bodies and live out their days together, young again. They have enough money only for one of these “trade-in” procedures, though, and after a series of events (spoiler alert!) John undergoes the change without Marie. While he physically feels so much better, he ultimately reverts back to his older body, preferring to live out his days with his wife, valuing their time and the lives that they have had.
When people hear about my line of work, they make a lot of assumptions. What they may not realize is the way that our inherent desire to remain young negatively influences our ability to remain grounded in the world. As a sociology major, I have always been fascinated by the way that the approach to youth has changed, especially around the turn of the century with education for children as a mainstream practice impacting child labor, and childhood in general. There is such an emphasis and value placed on the formative years with regard to development; but I am focusing instead on our judgments and feelings about aging. Most people are not fans.
Whether this is because of how painful, shocking or foreign it can feel when one’s body can longer do what it once did, or because of the psychological aspect of mortality that (perhaps subconsciously) is brought to mind when we are reminded of growing older—either way, so many of us resist aging. And this has a great impact on body image. For many individuals, there is a belief that one should be the same size from the age of 18 onward. Clients actually appear shocked when I explain that this would not be normal; our body mass continues to grow through the age of 30 and mass directly affects weight—our bodies are meant to develop and change. And from then, we may experience changes related to hormones, stress, life circumstances and eventually mid-life body changes.
This is not to say that one’s body will forever gain weight through old age. Typically, we find set point ranges, but those ranges may shift as we age. This is normal! But most people scoff at this idea, instead insisting on a particular size from youth and the pursuit of this size includes disconnection from our bodies and even from health, thinking solely about “staying and looking the same.” Because when we feel like our bodies are familiar, or look the same, we feel stable, as if the fears that come with life passages can be avoided.
Growing up can be scary, and this comes from the person who has a Peter Pan clock hanging in her kitchen. We try so hard to hold on to life, to preserve moments or go through our own types of procedures to hide lines or any signs that life has had an impact on our bodies. Social media can make us feel as if we can hold on forever—whether through editing or sharing only aspects of ourselves. We go through great lengths to banish maturation from our minds when in reality it is happening all around us. It can be terrifying. And it can also provide opportunities for such deep meaning and connection.
When we are able to recognize our fears and notice how they take us away from our current living, we can actually consider what we might want to look back on. I recall having the deep insight and recognition that my own struggles were in some ways a rebellion to growing older, but that in reality it was happening anyway—whether or not I tried to stop it. And so I had the empowerment to choose how I wanted to live, even if I was under the confines of a lack of control over the aging process. And when we focus our lives on maintaining youth or denying the beauty in growing older, we miss out on connection and the wonder in our world. Instead of seeing how we can use the wisdom we have gained, we are busy wondering how to stay that same size or ignore our current realities.
As in all areas, there is some type of balance. We can let the kid at heart come alive while also recognizing—as a veterinarian I know says—that if the body ages, it means we’re still here. And isn’t that the ultimate blessing.
It would be tempting for most of us to have a “trade-in” procedure and continue on, even just to remain with our loved ones, of course. But I think this “Twilight Zone” episode reminds us that there can also be a joyful peace in living out our days with acceptance that there are so many more values to pursue than trying to be young forever.
Temimah Zucker, LCSW, works in New York and New Jersey with individuals ages 18 and older who are struggling with mental health concerns, and she specializes in working with those looking to heal their relationships between their bodies and souls. Zucker is an advocate and public speaker concerning eating disorder awareness and a metro New York consultant at Monte Nido. She is honored to now serve on the board of Atzmi. To learn more or to reach her, visit www.temimah.com.
