Recently my friend Yael sent me the link for a children’s book called “All Food Is Good Food” by Molli Jackson Ehlert. The book was totally my jam. The jacket cover describes the importance of helping children form a healthy, non-diet or judgmental approach to food. The best part? It even includes a little FAQ at the end for parents who might look at this title and immediately think, “Isn’t this potentially teaching a dangerous message to my children? Shouldn’t some foods be avoided?”
I think people tend to have a misconception about food with regard to my work and my philosophy; some people hear that I’m an eating disorder therapist and immediately begin joking about / defending eating food that they call “bad” or insisting that they do indeed eat in a healthful way. My response? I smile and explain that there might be some confusion about what it means to be an eating disorder therapist. Others assume, especially when beginning work with me, that all I consume are doughnuts, burgers and mac and cheese, and that this is the agenda I push. I do eat those foods; but that’s not all I eat.
Costco cake and french fries are arguably two of my favorite foods but so are steamed zucchini and freshly grilled salmon. Because to me it is not about labeling or judging foods as “better”—it is about creating space for all foods.
We are meant to nourish ourselves, and food should be fun and give us energy and also be a part of keeping our bodies strong. When I speak with clients about intuitive eating, specifically permission, it is about recognizing where rules and rigidity originate. As I’ve written before, many people hide behind health as a reason for eating a particular way; though when this is truly broken down or explored, health feels less of a priority than size. Or, health can be a concern but the approach to food is then so extreme that the person’s body suffers because of stress levels and cycles of bingeing and restricting (which has negative effects on the body and its functioning). Namely, their efforts for the sake of health are also not healthy.
When I discuss having “permission” for food with individuals, the goal is that ultimately food should take up less space in one’s mind. People can make choices about food based on preference or mood or health without the all-consuming predetermined rules that can build over time. When we tell ourselves we “don’t want something” this usually does not last; we don’t feel satisfied by what we chose instead. When we have to “earn” food then we are more likely to emotionally feel like a failure or undeserving. So what can we do?
Start by getting in touch with what you actually are in the mood for. I’m not saying to have that food just yet if that feels too overwhelming. Start with the baby step of checking in with yourself. Have you already decided to have that salad or even dessert for a reason unrelated to your actual wants? Pause. Get to know your hunger and cravings. Then, walk through what might be contributing. Is there a “rule” aspect to what you might be in the mood for? An emotional aspect? When selecting a movie for movie night we often pause to assess if we’re in the mood for a comedy or a movie that might be more of a thriller. Over time, we can look at titles and it’ll simply click. Pause and reflect now so that over time you won’t have to think about food choices quite as much.
Additionally, recognize your judgments and biases. When I talked about the children’s book did you scoff, thinking about how this ‘simply isn’t true’? All foods can be good food. Our understanding of the food leads to judgment. Extremes in either direction can lead to one food perhaps not being the best choice in a particular moment. (Think: eating only vegetables, eating only candy that can impact teeth or not be filling.) But labeling a food as bad does lead an individual to then feel bad when s/he naturally eats it or wants it. And it’s really, truly OK to have the Costco cake or to choose the celery—just make the choice based on untangling your judgments and recognizing what you want. Don’t make the choice based on the wellness industry or self-worth being tied to food / weight.
I understand that I am making this sound simple. By no means is it simple: The leading predictors of eating disorders are diets, and my field of work exists because of how complicated this all can be. But you can shift your mentality to one that includes more freedom and still includes fresh fruits and veggies as well as chocolate mousse—if either of those appeal to you. Start by pausing.
Temimah Zucker, LCSW, works in New York and New Jersey with individuals ages 18 and older who are struggling with mental health concerns, and she specializes in working with those looking to heal their relationships between their bodies and souls. Zucker is an advocate and public speaker concerning eating disorder awareness and a metro New York consultant at Monte Nido. She is honored to now serve on the board of Atzmi. To learn more or to reach her, visit www.temimah.com.
