I’m a crier. I easily tear up whether it’s hearing about someone else’s pain, witnessing joy, or watching a pet food commercial. When I tell friends or family that something made me cry, the response is, “What else is new?” It’s the way I process my emotions, the way that my body physically expresses my deep feelings. But I notice that when life gets busy, I tend to cry less. Sometimes I pause to ask myself when I last shed a tear, as this allows me to reflect on whether or not I’ve been able to connect to my feelings and to consider what might be getting in the way.

But I also know that this may not be so common. Most individuals I know — clients, colleagues, friends, family — do not easily show their emotions. Somewhere along the way our logical minds take over behind the wheel and we have trouble knowing how to sit with, express and tolerate our feelings. It feels easier to use our minds, to power on, to distract. Somewhere along the way we lose our ability to know what to do with our small, medium and big feelings.

When I ask what gets in the way of experiencing emotions my clients tend to respond that either they are completely disconnected from their feelings, view feelings as a weakness, worry that beginning to feel emotions will open Pandora’s box and they will never be able to regulate, or that they simply do not see a point: “It won’t fix anything, so why bother.”

Yes, it is important that we do not let our emotions run our lives when this could result in impulsive decisions or hurt ourselves or others. And yes, our emotions are related to our “animal side” whereas logic is what distinguishes us as humans. This being said, we cannot and should not ignore or detach from our feelings. Doing so tends to lead to a buildup of even more feelings and maladaptive means of coping with the pressure to keep them at bay. Letting ourselves feel — and feel deeply — is necessarily to our mental health. Powering through, ignoring this part of ourselves never works and never lasts. It leads only to further turmoil.

So how do we do this? How can we feel our emotions and how to do so with balance, not to get stuck in our emotions in an interrupting way or cut ourselves off in an equally unhelpful manner?

It starts with the recognition of how emotions currently show up in your life. Are you connected to your feelings, but shut them down? Are you completely detached? Do you feel like you’re swimming in your emotions, unable to find a life vest? Consider how emotions show up during a time in your life that may include high intensity stress or grief — do you know how you feel in those moments?

For those who are detached, you likely learned to do so as a means of protecting yourself. But that does not mean it always needs to be like this. You can learn to experience emotions, though this could be perceived as threatening to your nervous system. Leaning into how we feel in our bodies is the first step. So start by giving yourself a tolerable amount of time to close your eyes and consider your emotion. Have a plan for what you will do next and be sure to only do this if you feel like it would be safe to do so. If not, consider a supportive environment where this can be achieved. The first step toward a healthy relationship to our feelings is showing yourself that you can connect to emotions and that you can be okay doing so.

For those of you who believe there is no point, consider that tension builds in the body. Without a release, stress pains and conditions can form and individuals can turn toward negative coping skills as a means of managing. You will need to feel the emotion, even if there is no solution so as not to bombard your nervous system, even if this is occurring beneath the surface.

For those afraid that the feeling will never end, or who feel that they are overwhelmed by emotions, remember that no human has felt a single emotion “forever.” Connect with your wise mind: that intersection between logic and emotion so that you are not ignoring either. Feel deeply and also connect to your wisdom and make a plan for connection and/or support if you feel stuck in an emotional experience.

View feelings as a weakness? Remember that you are not superhuman. You are also not a robot. It is not weak to feel, it is natural. It is part of living. And cutting yourself off is not making you stronger, it is simply keeping you stuck in a cycle of detachment and hidden pain.

For many years I buried my emotions, and my self-assessment is that now, no longer being in that state, I have learned to let myself feel consciously; hence, the tears. That does not mean the only healthy way is through crying. Rather, sometimes we will gush, sometimes we will conceal. But be sure that you’re giving yourself the opportunity to emote, to let the dam burst, and to consider the very real, emotional side of yourself. Take the time to express — whether by journaling or finding one safe person. That emotional side deserves validation. Sit with it. Feel. Talk about it.

So the next time you find yourself squashing an emotion, remember to let it breathe — your feelings are important and you can handle them.

Temimah Zucker, LCSW, works in New York and New Jersey with individuals ages 18 and older who are struggling with mental health concerns, and she specializes in working with those looking to heal their relationships between their bodies and souls. Zucker is an advocate and public speaker concerning eating disorder awareness and a metro New York consultant at Monte Nido. She is honored to now serve on the board of Atzmi. To learn more or to reach her, visit www.temimah.com.