May 13, 2025

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Mordechai Schmutter

Mordechai Schmutter is a freelance writer and a humor columnist for Hamodia and other magazines. He has also published seven books and does stand-up comedy. You can contact him at MSchmutter@gmail.com.

Articles by Mordechai Schmutter

Free Eggs! Plus Maintenance

With Pesach approaching, you’re probably wondering, What are we going to do about eggs this year? Should we raise our own chickens? It has to

How Long Has This Been Soaking?

I hate washing dishes. Especially on melted cheese night. My kids are melting cheese on everything. I’m like, “Don’t have so much cheese. How about

Unconventional Criminal Activity

Most criminals, if you had to guess, commit crimes for the money. But apparently, there are some people out there doing so for other reasons.

The Doctor Won’t See You Now

When I was growing up, if you were sick, you went to a doctor. Those were strange times. Nowadays, if you’re sick, the doctor doesn’t

*Cough*Cough*Cough*Cough*

This week’s article might be a little hard to understand, because I have *cough*cough*cough* a cough. I can’t get through one *cough*cough*COUGH*cough*COUGH* sentence without coughing.

Oil Soap

Today’s topic is “How to Clean Oil Out of Things.” Never mind why. Let’s get to work: How to clean oil off the laminated brachos

Enough Fuel for Eight Nights

A few months back, I wrote an article complaining about how many waking hours of Purim we spend in the car. It’s almost all of

Guess How Much I Paid?

I love how when you buy something for a good price, you’re so proud of it that you start showing off to people who are

See ‘Em Never

There is no day in school more exciting for kids than days when there’s a class party. Everyone gives out candy and you sing songs

There Are No Shortcuts

Welcome back to “What weirdo technology did Mordechai buy this week?”—the column where we talk about something I bought and ask ourselves why, and in

No Body Nose

From time to time, I write articles about expressions that people find annoying. And some time ago, I wrote an article that commented on how