People in my life tend to associate me with two things: “Peter Pan” and doughnuts. For this reason, Chanukah tends to feel exciting, especially with all the specialty doughnuts popping up from our local community bakers and bigger supermarkets, restaurants and bakeries. I know, though, that this excitement is not felt by all. Many folks think of this approaching holiday and begin to find alternative recipes to traditional latkes because of anxiety about this oily food. Or people may manipulate their food or exercise just to have that jelly doughnut at a Chanukah party or at home. Below are some basic tools with which I hope, dear reader, you can frame your holiday experience.
1. You are deserving of food. If I could shout this from the rooftops, I would, so that all of Teaneck could hear me. You are a human being and inherently deserving of nourishing yourself with enjoyable food, regardless of size. People tend to dismiss this, saying, “Of course this is true, but…” And I have found that if we dig deeper, we find that people have trouble with this belief; they believe that they are deserving only if they look, eat or exercise a certain way. They believe that food must be earned. Food is not a prize, and putting it on a pedestal is what actually leads to a culture of deprivation, binge behaviors and harsh internal judgments.
2. Food is not meant to be revered. I love doughnuts—probably more than the next person does—but they should not be worshiped or feared. They should not have the power to lead to self-hatred or guilt. They’re just some dough and maybe a filling or glaze. Don’t give your power away to food. Do not equate your self-worth or sense of self to whether or not you did or did not eat the latke. You are so much more than this, and while it may provide a sense of order and endorse the belief that the world can be predictable and that you will like yourself more if you look a particular way, this is really a myth and one that has been disproven by research and lived experience.
3. Enjoy the intention of the holiday. Chanukah is truly not about fried food or presents. It is about the miracles that Hashem performed to ultimately save our nation from persecution. At a time now when we are heartbreakingly continuing to experience hatred from others, let us remember that the meaning of the day goes beyond traditions or customs. It is about our connection to Hashem, to being saved, and to honoring all that has occurred with rituals meant to promote our understanding and gratitude.
Chanukah should not be about exercising in order to eat, or depriving oneself in fear of bingeing. It should be about connection and community and reflection. I wish you a Chanukah Sameach, filled with joy and health and a journey toward self-acceptance that goes beyond what you eat or look like.
Temimah Zucker, LCSW is a therapist in private practice specializing in working with those struggling with eating disorders or disordered eating, those looking to heal their relationships with their bodies, and those with general mental health concerns. She is also a national speaker on these subjects and has a passion for working within the Jewish community. To learn more, visit www.temimah.com
