The drive from Montreal to Teaneck takes approximately six hours. We did it all the time—often one of us made the drive alone, taking a few days off to be rejuvenated and see our children. We were so accustomed to it that it we never looked at it as being an inconvenience. Only when there was a weather-related problem would we reconsider. Suddenly upon our arrival in Bergenfield several months ago we found out that the word distance is relative to whom you are discussing it with.

Many react as though we have come from the end of the world and are here obviously to spend the latter days of our lives back in civilization. Montreal, to them is a “Wow! That’s a long distance.” Others have told us that they cannot imagine living out of the NY metropolitan area.

I recall vividly meeting a NYC lady whose daughter had just become engaged to be married. Instead of being excited over the great news, she was actually crying over the fact that her daughter was moving to Queens from the Lower East Side. When will she ever see her? How will she manage without her?

Another lady proceeded to tell me that whenever she received a wedding invitation to an “out-of-town” wedding she would automatically put it into the garbage. We, on the other hand, the out-of-towners, made it our business to always travel far distances so that we could celebrate together with our friends.

Perhaps I should explain how a Bostonian and a New Yorker ended up spending much of their lives in Montreal, Quebec. I often say, marry a rabbi and see the world. We came to Montreal when my husband accepted a position as the Rav of the Young Israel of Val Royal, a suburb of Montreal. YU definitely encourages and supports young rabbonim to leave the metropolitan area and go out of town. In actual fact, Montreal is a plum city to live in. Yiddishkeit is no challenge there—all of our needs were met easily.

The one thing that is missing when you commit your life to the rabbanut and go out of town is not being close to your family. The balabatim of your synagogue become replacements for grandparents, aunts and uncles for your children, and you establish long term relationships with friends who take the place of family. Most importantly, everyone flourishes! On their own they cannot depend upon parents to babysit, car pool, or take children to the orthodontist. When you do see your family, it’s when visits are made back and forth that are celebrations of family time together. The excitement grows for weeks in advance and the memories last forever.

How can I possibly explain this to the families that I have met locally who tell me that their parents are thinking of moving to Teaneck because the distance is so great from Staten Island, Long Island and Brooklyn.

Gosh, am I missing something here? Is it not time for young adults with children to be able to live their lives free of their parents’ apron strings or is it that they want to be attached? I am not too sure.

Please do not misunderstand me. Of course the ideal is for families to live within close enough proximity to each other so they can see each other frequently. I think that what bothers me the most is that the idea of living out of town seems to be so distasteful to so many. The reasons just do not make any sense.

Recently, I was told several times by people looking for shidduchim for their children that they will not allow them to marry a person who does not come from the same area as them. I had called an acquaintance from the Five Towns and suggested a shidduch for her daughter with a young man from Montreal. This lady had taken the time to call and ask me for help in finding someone for her daughter. I was so excited that I did think of someone and called her with the great news.

Suddenly it dawned upon her. “Wait, he’s from Montreal? Where would they live?” I replied that he was in business in Montreal. “Oh, no,” she said, “I could never let her move away.”

A crisis for shidduchim? Who is actually causing it? Interestingly, the young men and women from out of town who are in the shidduch parsha assume that part of the responsibility of finding their bashert means that they might have to move away from their families. That is and should be part of the growing up process.

The OU is working diligently on encouraging young families to seek out smaller communities. Incentives are being offered by shuls, schools and the business community to redirect the mindset of those growing up in the Metropolitan area. Kol Hakavod to those who pursue their dreams and consider other options. Wherever it works well, the distance is in the mind—especially in our day and age. Through every type of gadget we are able to stay in touch with our families no matter where we are. So what’s the problem? Eh?

About the Glicks – Rabbi Mordechai Glick enjoyed a long career in the rabbinate and academia – serving as the rabbi of a number of shuls in the Montreal area and teaching psychology full-time at Champlain College. Nina Glick led Yachad in Montreal for over 10 years and was closely involved in the Special Needs Community.  The Glicks have three children in the NYC area daughters and sons-in law  living in the Teaneck, Bergenfield area together with nine grandchildren.  They have participated frequently in the OU Marriage Retreat

By Nina & Mordechai Glick