The other day, as I was leaving synagogue after Shabbat services, I had a brief but impactful conversation with my rabbi’s wife. It was a warm and beautiful day—an unexpected treat during an Indian summer a few weeks ago. As I walked out, I saw the rebbetzin, a renowned therapist specializing in emotional regulation, standing with my rabbi.
I took the opportunity to ask her a question about emotional regulation, a topic that has fascinated me for some time. She spoke about the concept of becoming a lighthouse—a powerful metaphor that I understood immediately. But I wanted something more concrete, something I could apply practically.
Looking me directly in the eye, she offered a piece of advice that struck a deep chord. “Do you want to be right, or do you want to win?” she asked.
At first, the simplicity of the question took me by surprise. But as I reflected, it became clear how profoundly this principle applies to nearly every facet of human interaction—whether between husbands and wives, parents and children, colleagues in the workplace, or even friends navigating a disagreement.
We’ve all been there: caught up in proving our point, focusing on why we’re right and ensuring everyone knows it. But what does it accomplish? Often, it’s a waste of energy. By insisting on being right, we lose sight of the bigger picture—the goal of resolving conflict, strengthening relationships, and moving forward constructively.
Choosing to “win” doesn’t mean compromising your values or ignoring the truth. It means taking a step back, recognizing when it’s more important to preserve harmony and mutual respect than to prove you’re correct. If you truly are on the side of truth, it will eventually shine through. Being “right” and “winning” will align in the long run.
This advice is particularly relevant during the winter months, when families spend more time indoors together. With the colder weather and increased interaction, emotions can run high. The question “Do you want to be right, or do you want to win?” serves as a grounding reminder to prioritize connection and resolution over ego.
It’s wisdom I now carry with me, and I hope it resonates with others as much as it did with me. Let’s focus on winning in our relationships, strengthening the bonds with our loved ones, and building a brighter, more harmonious environment—both in our homes and in our communities.
