Switching schools for seventh grade is not easy. Just ask Lily Herman. From kindergarten through sixth grade, Lily attended the Greater Oklahoma Academy for Torah. Although this school was literally the GOAT (Greatest Of All Time), Lily did not have the greatest experience of all time there. Between fired teachers, a principal who yelled at everyone and a group of mean girls in her grade, Lily had plenty to get away from. She did have a few really good friends at GOAT, and she lived right around the corner. But the negatives were just too much compared to the few good parts.
So, in the spring of sixth grade, Lily’s parents (with Lily’s approval) decided it was time for a change. They enrolled Lily at the Oklahoma Center for Torah, Organized Prayers and Unbelievable Studies. As the summer came to a close, Lily was getting ready for her first days at OCTOPUS. She went shopping for supplies, bought new clothing and hung out a few times with kids from her new school. They seemed nice, but Lily was starting to question herself. Was she sure this school would be better? What if her old scary principal got fired from GOAT and came to OCTOPUS? Could there be a group of mean girls here that she just hadn’t met yet?
To strengthen her faith in the decision to switch, Lily went all out. She burned, shredded or simply destroyed all memories of GOAT, including class pictures, her basketball jersey and old art projects (fortunately, all the cute stuff from preschool was in a box in the attic). Lily purchased a giant stuffed octopus and started doing things in eights (take eights steps and then stop, eat 8 blueberries at once etc.). All of this seemed a bit much, but Lily’s parents weren’t concerned—she wasn’t harming anyone or hurting anyone’s feelings…yet.
Unfortunately, Lily’s behavior began to take a toll on her friends. Lily had spent time with students from OCTOPUS, but it wasn’t enough to have any friendships. Lily’s closest friends were still those from GOAT, and these friends mostly lived close by. Lily began to ignore her friends’ texts and calls and stopped hanging out with them. Eventually Lily started ignoring her friends in public, which was really hurtful to them. Rachel tried calling to find out what was going on, but Lily wouldn’t come to the phone. Brianna tried texting, but received no response. Ayala even showed up at her house, but Lily refused to leave her room.
Things at school were not much better for Lily. She spent plenty of time talking with other kids in her grade. However, being outgoing didn’t seem to be making Lily any friends. Of course, anyone listening in on these conversations would understand exactly why. “So, what about GOAT do you hate the most? The teachers, the lunches or the principal?” “Don’t you guys love this school more than anything in the world? Let’s talk about all the ways OCTOPUS is amazing and better than my old school!” “Anyone want to hang out tonight? I think I’m gonna head over to the Academy and just give the school building dirty looks.”
Yes, Lily was still stuck on hating GOAT. It seemed like she would push it off a cliff if she could. Lily’s obsession might have helped her get over leaving, but it didn’t seem to have a healthy effect on her social life. Eventually, Lily started to wear down. Constantly being angry at her old school was exhausting. So Lily was now tired and lonely, having thrown away her old friendships without finding replacements. She missed Rachel, Brianna and Ayala, but she couldn’t admit it. Or could she? First, Lily tried thinking it: “I miss my old friends. GOAT wasn’t so bad!” Then Lily wrote it down: “I miss my old friends. GOAT wasn’t so bad!” Finally, Lily said it out loud and burst into tears. After an hour of crying and talking to her mother, Lily picked up the phone and made her first call, and then a second, and a third. Lily explained to her friends what she had been going through and, of course, they understood.
In Parshat Chayei Sara, Avraham sends Eliezer to find a wife for Yitzchak. He specifically sends Eliezer back to his family in Aram to find a suitable bride. When quoting Avraham, the pesukim make it clear that Avraham was thinking about leaving Aram so many years before. “Ki im el artzi v’el molad’ti telech—only go to my land and my birthplace,” instructs Avraham, using the same wording Hashem did when commanding him to leave. Avraham also adds that the same “Hashem who took me from my father’s house and the land of my birthplace” will help you on your mission—again referencing leaving home.
One lesson we can learn from Avraham here is that one doesn’t need a complete break to make a change. Every part of our lives—people, places, experiences—have good parts and bad. When moving on, we don’t need to burn our bridges or forget our past. May Hashem give us the wisdom to know what to hang on to and what to let go. Shabbat Shalom!
Yair Daar is the director of Student Life at Bicultural Hebrew Academy High School. He can be reached at [email protected]
