I recently had the honor and privilege of being asked to deliver a program at Beth Aaron in Teaneck, the shul where I grew up and am also currently a member. The sisterhood invited me to speak in preparation for Pesach on the subject of body image and we tied in the theme of freedom. I led the discussion as a group, rather than lecture, and we touched on ways that we feel enslaved to our bodies or food, what health means to us, and also some intentions we can set, while I sprinkled in some psycho-education.
When specifically exploring Pesach and what comes up around this holiday, there was one message that I tried to emphasize: We’re talking about eight days.
I always marvel at the way the moment October ends, radio stations, lampposts and 5th Avenue are decked out for the Christian holidays. While the celebration is about — at most — 48 hours, people adorn their homes for months with lights, and it is called by so many “the holiday season.” This is similar to what happens before Pesach: for some people, beginning in January, preparations are underway. I have written in the past about the ways people prepare (in general for an event or task and specifically for Pesach), and I think we can all relate on some level to the stress that arises before this holiday.
The cleaning, menu planning, shopping or for those who travel, the preparation to leave home and get everything that is needed. One factor that “Pesach season” has that is not experienced at other times is the anxiety that arises due to a sense of deprivation; when we know we don’t have access to a resource we tend to engage differently with that resource. For eight days (a little longer this year) we do not consume chametz. Many of us need to adjust our diets completely and figure out what we can cook that may be totally different than what is normally eaten. And yet, there is a level of stress because of the deprivation mindset: people tend to eat all the chametz they can beforehand as if this is the end.
Remember the height of COVID-19 when people stocked up on toilet paper whenever it became available? Oftentimes those people bought far more toilet paper than was needed — when we are in a scarcity mindset our minds go into survival mode. People might hoard an item but try to use it as a little as possible. We are not thinking clearly because of the threat of not having the resource. So too, we tend to get very caught up in the planning for Pesach.
Can preparations be stressful? Yes! The cost, the need to clean, the reality of some people not enjoying foods that do not contain chametz, etc. But it’s also eight days long. And barring some extreme scenario or struggle, we can all manage for eight days to engage differently. When speaking at the event I gave my own example of each year telling myself I won’t overstock and each year I’m left with many unopened boxes. Because I find myself getting caught up in buying from a scarcity mindset. Nevermind the trope that Jewish women tend to overprepare because of the fear that family/guests will go hungry — a reality steeped in our history of persecution and trauma.
I am not suggesting any invalidation of stress or emotions that come up surrounding Pesach. I am encouraging a pause and recognition of what Pesach is and is not; we have the privilege of celebrating our history, engaging with the specific mitzvot of Pesach and recognizing all that Hashem did for us in Mitzrayim. And it is eight days of 365 days (or about 354 days depending on which calendar) and we can all get through eight days of living differently. And we can plan for eight days. Pesach is not a season, it is just over a week. It is reminiscent of the joke that when people travel, they pack enough socks or underwear for two weeks despite the trip being four days; when we have limited access to a potential item or custom we do not plan appropriately. Know that this is normal but also be realistic with yourself of what you truly need.
Remember that if there is discomfort or challenge within the preparation, that it will be over within 10 days.
May we focus on the theme of freedom, may we feed ourselves without a negative internal dialogue, may we enjoy time with loved ones and may we experience Pesach in Jerusalem as one people.
Temimah Zucker, LCSW, works in New York and New Jersey with individuals ages 18 and older who are struggling with mental health concerns, and she specializes in working with those looking to heal their relationships between their bodies and souls. Zucker is an advocate and public speaker concerning eating disorder awareness and a metro New York consultant at Monte Nido. She is honored to now serve on the board of Atzmi. To learn more or to reach her, visit www.temimah.com.
