Since the dawn of time, human beings have desperately sought out a semblance of control in this out-of-control world. Almost every philosopher throughout history has come to the same conclusion, but in the words of Jewish philosopher Solomon ibn Gabirol: “At the head of all understanding—is distinguishing between what is and what cannot be, and the consoling of what is not in our power to change.”

In today’s hyper-connected world, it’s arguably more important than ever for people to be able to distinguish between what is and what isn’t within their control, and to be able to find peace with the things that are out of their hands. These lines have become more blurry over the past few years due to a constant influx of information, news updates at the palm of your hand, and new societal pressures from social media—it’s difficult to resist getting sucked in. Whether you’re reflecting on past mistakes, thinking about future uncertainties or worrying about events on the other side of the world—all things that you cannot control or influence—you might find yourself trapped in a vicious cycle of negative thoughts and emotions.

The unfortunate reality is that focusing on things we cannot control damages our physical, emotional, mental and overall well-being. Research has shown that ruminating over things that are not in our control increases feelings of helplessness, anxiety and stress, and can even lead to the development of mood disorders. On the other hand, individuals who escape the rumination trap by practicing acceptance and using healthy coping strategies tend to be more resilient and demonstrate better overall psychological well-being.

Here are some practical tools and strategies to embrace acceptance and shift our focus on to what is actually within our control:

1. Make the Distinction: The first step in avoiding the rumination trap is to learn to differentiate and focus your energy between what you can control and what you can’t.
2. Practice Mindfulness: Being fully present in the moment can help you focus on your actions and responses rather than getting overwhelmed by external events.
3. Use Cognitive Restructuring: Cognitive restructuring, one of the main focuses of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), means learning to challenge and reframe your thoughts when you are feeling stressed or anxious.
4. Set Social Media Boundaries: Limit usage, turn off unnecessary notifications, “unplug” when you need to, and ensure that your digital space aligns with your well-being.
5. Practice Self-Care: Take time for yourself and develop healthy habits such as getting enough sleep, participating in physical activity and following a healthy diet.
6. Practice Gratitude: Identifying and appreciating what’s good in your life instead of focusing on the negative or what is beyond your control can lead to decreased anxiety and improved happiness.

While there will always be things in life that are out of your control, you can absolutely control how you react to them. Through self-awareness, practice, education and the support of people we trust, we can achieve control over our inner worlds without the distraction of the digital world. For those who need a little extra support or more individualized strategies, finding a therapist can be a great way to work through these challenges in a safe, understanding environment.

Ahuvah Fried is a therapist at Collaborative Minds Psychotherapy as well as the middle school social worker at Yeshivat Noam. Ahuvah specializes in the treatment of teens and adults struggling with anxiety, depression, social skills deficits, ADD/ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, family conflicts, life transitions and general stress. To schedule an appointment, email [email protected] or visit www.collaborativeminds.net.