During the past few days I have spent some time remembering our experiences as young parents suddenly faced with a diagnosis that our daughter was and would always be mentally and physically disabled. Yes, the month of February has been designated as Jewish Disabilities Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month, and I was recently asked to give a webinar for Congregation Adath Israel in Montreal discussing the challenges and, in our case, the beauty of being given the opportunity to walk through life on a very different kind of journey.
In reviewing my words and reminiscing about the trials and tribulations of our life as a family with Naama, I suddenly came up with a new idea. I started thinking of the number of times we would notice parents pulling their small children away from our approaching family, the number of people who would walk right by Naama even as she would wave and say hello to whoever passed her, and the times that we were unable to attend certain events due to the inaccessibility of entranceways, etc.
To reiterate that statement, I remember going to Eaton’s, a large department store in downtown Montreal that happened to have a corrective shoe department, where we were told to go and buy specific shoes for Naama. There was just one glitch. When I got to Eaton’s with Naama and her wheelchair (she was probably about 4), I realized that the only entrances to the store were revolving. There was no way to get her into the store. My choices were to go into the store and leave her outside on the sidewalk by herself, and try to find someone to stop the door in order to let us in, or to leave. I did find a man who went into the store and found a manager who came and retrieved us from the front of the store. You can be sure that there was no disability month at that time. Keep in mind, however, that Jewish Disabilities Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month only began in 2009, a mere 15 years ago. Only then was it deemed important in the Jewish world to recognize this very large population of special human beings who wanted so much to be a part of the world.
In 1978 we excitedly sent our daughter off to Camp HASC, one of the greatest finds we ever made in our lives. Kol hakavod to the Kahn family for doing what no one else had the gumption to do.
Proudly in 1984, the OU/NCSY ventured into very shallow waters by establishing Yachad, which in no small way contributed to recognizing young people with disabilities in the scope of synagogue learning and social activities, and integrated them with other young people from mainstream high school settings. The rest is really history.
We Jews should be proud of all of the steps that have been taken. Some might be considered not fast enough but, in looking back, we have so much to be thankful for and so many to appreciate and be grateful to.
Yet, having lived through so many years of challenges, I now realize that more than the actual person who has a disability are the great numbers of those who are disabled by their mindset only. Those who have never recognized the loneliness, warmth and kindness of many who are not able to express themselves as others do, who look slightly different from others, who speak more loudly or do not speak at all, who have a tic, a mental illness, a distorted face. Those who are guilty of pulling their children away from a wheelchair, who do not offer to help someone having difficulty crossing at a crosswalk because he walks with a terrible limp. Those are the people who are really disabled. People who actually oppose a group home for fear that it will lower property values in their neighborhood. (It happened in Montreal) To those people, I offer my sympathy because you will never allow yourself the freedom of seeing all people as the same despite their disabilities. There is a book by Susan Jeffries, Fear the Fear….and Then Do It Anyway. It should be required reading for all, especially you.
Nina Glick can be reached at [email protected]
