Dear Coach Gila,

I am a lifelong emotional eater. I ate chips, cookies, cake, ice cream, candy—it didn’t really matter what it was as long as I went from sweet to salty. That was my modus operandi. I would eat something sweet and then salty and on and on. I ate if I was happy, sad, angry, worried or bored. I mostly ate if I was anxious. For me eating was a way to procrastinate or put off something I had to do that made me worry about the outcome. I tried every diet out there and was not successful until two years ago.

About a year before my oldest son’s bar mitzvah, I changed my thought process and stopped dieting. I decided to stop fighting with food. I began to allow myself everything, no food was off limits. I listened to my hunger cues and ate when I was hungry. I stopped when I was full.

So, you may be wondering why am I writing to you if I achieved success and I’m no longer bingeing. I’ve had digestive issues for years but never explored testing as my entire focus has always been solely centered around weight loss. At a recent doctor visit I mentioned that I was still experiencing these digestive issues and after further testing I was diagnosed with a condition that requires me to eliminate certain food groups if I want to live pain free.

You can only imagine what has been going on in my mind. To tell a recovered emotional eater that you should not eat gluten or dairy does not make for a successful outcome. I thought I had my food situation under control. I was eating everything in moderation. I took control over food. Food no longer controlled me.

Now what? I don’t think I have the energy to figure this out. It is just too much. Part of me even believes it’s better to live with pain, constipation and diarrhea then address my relationship with food once again. I don’t want to gain back the weight that I lost. I believe that I figured out what works for me to keep my weight at a healthy set point.

I am in physical pain and emotional turmoil. Can you help me? Is there help for me? What can I do? What should I think? What should I eat?

Signed,

Leah R.

Dear Leah,

Thank you for your email. It must have been difficult for you to write and I applaud you for reaching out to me. There is so much to unpack here, I will do my best to address your question in this forum. I do want you to consider coming to me for a complimentary session so we can really dig deep and work this out together.

Before I address your current situation I want to say kudos for listening to your body and figuring out what works for you. For most, dieting, deprivation and willpower last only so long before the pendulum swings leading to regaining the weight. I am a firm believer in really listening to our body because our bodies do speak to us and guide us.

Once again, your body is speaking to you. Based on how you feel and your doctor’s instructions your body is telling you that if you continue to eat gluten and dairy you will feel poorly.

For you, finding true food freedom comes with restricting gluten and dairy.

Your past, your story, involved emotional eating and using willpower to deprive yourself each time you attempted a new diet.

I want you to pause for a moment and recognize that your past does not have to be your present and certainly does not have to be you future. You don’t have to identify with that definition of your being. You have the ability to re-write your story. You are not defined by your past relationship with food. Your new relationship with food begins now, right now, at this very moment.

Take a moment to be angry. Say out loud whatever you need to hear. Confront your anger about having to eliminate certain food groups.

Freedom is about choosing to redefine yourself as you are now, by leaving the past behind. Rewrite your story. You can honor your body by removing gluten and dairy without feeling deprived.

Instead of feeling like a victim, I want you to accept that this is your diagnosis.You can rise to the occasion as soon as you leave the “victim mentality” behind. Practically, this means you should not compare yourself to others who don’t have to consider the food they eat. You will find freedom in acceptance. Practice self-kindness and self-compassion. Breathe deeply and speak kindly to yourself.

As part of your bedtime routine set an intention for the next day. In the morning, remind yourself of your intention. Tell yourself: I am capable of doing this. I am strong enough. I can do this. This is going to go well for me. Practice gratitude. Focus on creating new healthy habits.

May Pesach bring a personal z’man cheirutainu for you. I believe in your ability to rewrite your story. Believe in yourself and you will find your freedom.

Wishing all my readers a Chag Kasher V’sameach and freedom with any struggles you may be experiencing in your relationship with food.

Coach Gila

By Gila Guzman

Coach Gila Guzman, JD, CINHC, is a nutrition health coach with a local, national and international following due to her popular private and group coaching programs. In addition to teaching nutrition and healthy cooking classes at Ma’ayanot, she is the in-house nutrition coach at Grand and Essex in Bergenfield, New Jersey, and has her own line of “Coach Gila approved” healthy takeout foods at the store. Gila is also the camp nutritional specialist at Camp Mesorah. She can be reached through her website at www.coachgilaapproved.com and at 917-647-1788.