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December 13, 2024
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Linking Northern and Central NJ, Bronx, Manhattan, Westchester and CT

“So I put on Machine Head this morn­ing and my kid was like “That’s yetzer hara music.” ― anonymous

From my 5-year-old: “Ima, you’re really the tooth fairy, right?”

I hesitated, not sure how to answer, when he says, “Actually you can’t be the tooth fairy, you don’t have wings!” ― Yaeli Sokolic

Yesterday there was a commercial on the radio for McDonald’s. P. said, “I ate that once.”

I lol’ed and said, “No, you didn’t.”

P. said, “Yes I did. When I was your age I ate that.” ― anonymous

“Mommy, I need more peach smiles.” Peach slices. Never thought of them that way. ― Elizabeth Kratz

“‘Ledditgo, ledditgo….,’ sings my child as she sits on the toilet.” ― anonymous

And more from the House of Batya:

After declaring how cute she is, we de­cided to correct some of Batya’s word con­fusion. In frustration she exclaimed: “I don’t get it! Why do they have to make words sound so close to each other, like fox and socks, chicken and kitchen, seminary and cemetery, and Mohawk and goatee?!! I can’t even.” — L.W.

Do all 6-year-olds talk like this?

“Mommy, I need you to approve my clothing choices, but that involves you get­ting out of bed.” What happened to “Mom­my, wake up. Can I wear this?!”

Friday afternoon, before Shabbos, Batya lost a tooth. We told her that the tooth fairy is Shomer Shabbos and can’t come until Saturday night. She looks at us and says, “It’s my parents, I know.”

Saturday night comes.

Batya yelling at me, her sister: ‘TALIIIIII, can you help me set up a security camera?’

Me: “Why…?”

Batya: “Because I need to catch Mommy and Tati being the tooth fairy.”

Me: Turns out they aren’t the tooth fairy. I am. $1.26 is my rate now for a tooth.

Send your kids’ outrageous quotes to edi­[email protected].

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