It has been a decade since I left my full-time job as an oncology nurse manager and took the leap to open my own health and wellness practice in Teaneck. Over the years, the focal point of my practice has shifted from working with people primarily on weight loss to a broader emphasis on overall health and wellness. My work today is centered on helping people live their best lives by staying active, eating well, and finding ways to age gracefully. My passion for oncology has never waned, though, and I remain deeply involved by facilitating a metastatic breast cancer support group on Zoom once a week.
About nine months ago, I added another layer to my work when I became the director of community outreach for Ematai. Ematai’s tagline is “Navigating Aging and End-of-Life Care with Jewish Wisdom and Halacha.” It is a meaningful role that lets me help families plan for the future in a way that honors both their values and their faith. When I told my brother about this new job, he asked how I balance encouraging people to live healthy, vibrant lives while also helping them prepare for aging and, ultimately, the end of life. But to me, these two things aren’t in conflict at all—they actually go hand in hand.
Taking care of your health and living well today while planning thoughtfully for tomorrow is a great gift that you can give yourself and your loved ones. Whether it’s carving out time to exercise, making healthier food choices, or having those hard conversations about end-of-life wishes—it all comes from a place of love and care. Yes, experiencing conflicting emotions can seem heavy at times, but I’ve learned that we are all capable of holding joy and sorrow simultaneously. Indeed, that is part of what makes us human.
Life is full of moments that make us experience more than one feeling at once. When, for example, a child of yours gets engaged, it’s such a joyful moment, as you see your son or daughter find someone to love and build a life with. But to be honest, there are often a multitude of emotions bubbling under the surface. Is this the right person for him/her? How will he/she fit into our family? And what about the other family—are they kind, generous, loving? We feel excitement and happiness, but also a twinge of sadness, as we realize we’ll now share our child with someone else. It’s a lot to hold all at once, but we do it.
Caregiving is another area where mixed emotions come into play. When caring for an aging parent or a spouse, so much love is involved—but the experience can also feel exhausting. A friend of mine who cares for her mother who has dementia told me: “I love her so much, and I treasure the moments when she recognizes me. But sometimes I feel trapped, like my own life is on hold. And then I feel guilty for even thinking that.” Love and resentment, joy and frustration—they coexist.
On a larger scale, we see this emotional juggling act regarding the current situation in Israel. The recent release of hostages brought so much joy and relief to their families and the entire nation. Like many of you, I couldn’t hold back the tears when I saw Doron, Romi, Emily, Liri, Karina, Daniella and Naama reunited with their parents. Even though I’ve never met them, it felt personal—like they were part of my own family. But alongside that joy is the heavy weight of sadness and uncertainty. There are still so many hostages who haven’t come home, and the sacrifices made for those who were freed are enormous. It’s a stark reminder that joy and sorrow often sit side by side.
In my years as an oncology nurse, I’ve seen this emotional push and pull play out time and again. There comes a point when, despite the best treatments, continuing care might not help and may even cause more suffering. Families often struggle to let go. They want to hold on to hope, but they don’t want their loved one to be in pain.
At Ematai, we help families navigate these incredibly difficult decisions by providing rabbinic, medical and emotional support. Having a plan—even for something as hard as the end of life—can bring a sense of peace. Proper planning is an act of compassion, not just for the person who’s ill, but for the entire family
Life is messy and full of contradictions, but that’s what makes it so rich and meaningful. We can feel immense joy while also carrying deep sorrow. We can celebrate life even as we plan for its impermanence. We can hold hope and fear, love and frustration, all at the same time.
Plan to live fully in the present while preparing thoughtfully for the future. We can hold space in the uncertainty and embrace life in all its beautiful, complicated contradictions.
Beth S. (Bassie) Taubes, RN, is a certified health, fitness, yoga and tai chi instructor and the owner of Wellness Motivations LLC in Teaneck, New Jersey. In addition, she is currently the director of community outreach for Ematai, an organization devoted to helping people navigate healthcare choices with Jewish wisdom, in which she conducts workshops throughout the tri-state area. She can be reached at [email protected], [email protected]
