Forgive me, but I am so tired of calling someone and being told that they will call me right back and then I never hear from them again. Actually, I guess there are exceptions because today I received a call from exactly such a person. He responded three weeks after I left him a message.
I cannot be alone in this annoyance. Having little, if any, business acumen I decided that maybe I should reevaluate the cost of what we are paying for our home and car insurance. I could easily do it online but I know that I would then receive quotes from 28 random companies and/or brokers. So much for privacy in terms of computer use. I know, AI knows everything that I think and need. In what I thought was a natural way of doing things I asked several friends if they had the names of insurance brokers that they could recommend. In each case, I received a number with a comment similar to “it’s hard to reach him.” No joke, forget hard, it is impossible.
It reminded me of an experience I had several years ago. I attended a simcha which was catered outstandingly. I found out the name of the caterer and called him, suggesting that he advertise in The Link as we definitely have the audience who would appreciate his upscale presentation and food. His response to me was that he would love to but has not a second to speak on the phone to anyone because he is so busy and he therefore does not respond to telephone messages. What I just wrote makes no sense to me and I am sure it does not to you either. I guess his clients are accustomed to chasing him each day until they reach him. That is not my way of dealing with a vendor nor would it assure me of his competence.
Especially as we approach Rosh Hashanah I would like to expand this strange (to me) phenomenon to what many of us seem to do in our everyday lives when we let people down by not “calling them back,” ignoring them when noticing them meandering up a nearby aisle in the supermarket, pretending not to have noticed their attempt to approach us and say hello. There are probably very good reasons for many of these reactions, but loneliness is an overpowering phenomenon. If you have never experienced it, you would find it difficult to imagine. It would not kill any of us, including me, to make the special effort to reach out to those who we know could really use a phone call, an invitation, an easy invite for a coffee to someone who is “slightly different,” let’s face it, we all know someone.
Taking this a step further, let’s not forget to encourage our children to check out who the kids are in their class that are not in the center of their social circle. It is up to us as parents to impress upon our children that loneliness exists in children as well. Make sure that when children are gathering for play dates, etc that they are encouraged to invite someone they do not necessarily know well or perhaps even like. Children may act differently outside of a classroom setting and the other kids may find him or her to be more like themselves.
I spent years entertaining my daughter Naama on Shabbat afternoon because no one had the idea that maybe she would like a visitor as well. Naama’s siblings had friends they would see on Shabbat and they themselves would always talk to Naama through her communication board but how nice it would have been if someone came over specifically to see Naama. I am aware that in this amazing age of Yachad, Friendship Circle and Camp HASC children with special needs are much more on people’s minds these days but not all of them are “popular.” From my many years involved in the special needs community I can assure you that a disability that might not be “pretty” to the general public definitely discourages visits. Not only are the disabled suffering in these situations, but think of their families who would love visits from friends or neighbors in order to alleviate some of their separation from the community. Especially in the spring and summer months, Shabbat is long for those who are not able to leave their homes.
By the way, the system that worked best in our home is that we took turns each week, with one of us staying up with Naama and the other taking a nap. Trust me, I tried vehemently as she got older to convince Naama that Shabbat afternoon was meant to take a “shluf.” As much as she tried to please me, that never was something she understood. So each week I would announce that it was my turn to rest and my Mordechai would say that it was his turn. The comical banter would go on for a while until the truth finally came out.
Let’s work to improve ourselves and teach our children by example. Please, if you are in business (or not) and say that you are going to call someone back, do it and do not just say it.
Nina Glick can be reached at [email protected]
