Being a Jew in a modern community such as Teaneck or Fair Lawn or Livingston puts you in a unique but divisive position. On one hand, it’s important for you to be a part of your Jewish community—whether being a shul member, going to simchas and events, or just joining in with other People of the Book. On the other hand, there’s the danger of making yourself too insular in the community. What happens when your community life revolves almost exclusively around your Jewish life? Is it important to branch out and become a part of the lives of others as well, those outside the Jewish faith? Or—as long as you remain respectful of the community and don’t cause any trouble—is it not an issue?

I thought of this after recently reading about a controversy in Rockland County. The large ultra-Orthodox community has a lot of influence in the townships, and many non-Jews are protesting its power over the school board and other areas. Meanwhile, according to the Jewish Standard, the non-Orthodox community is having trouble staying together and keeping interest because of the rift between the Jews and non-Jews. There are different factors that could be at work here; the ultra-Orthodox community may have overstepped, or the gentiles may be showing unfair bias against them. (There’s also, sadly, some antisemitism involved, which there’s no excuse for.) But it made me think about the role we play in our broader communities and whether it is better to integrate with them, more or less.

Let me make one thing clear: “integrating” does not mean “assimilating” in this context; I’m not calling for anyone to change any customs or levels of Jewish observance. What I do want to explore is being involved in our communities, being active members, and to what extent we can or should do so.

A confession? I am not that involved in my hometown community, to be honest. There is the minor detail that I go to school in Manhattan. (My siblings and I subliminally wanted Ramaz to move to New Jersey when we applied, since they were getting three new students, but apparently no one got the subconscious memo.) When I am being active in my community, it’s usually in shul—at Youth Minyan or a Yachad Shabbaton—or in some other Jewish event. Thinking about it, there’s not really anything wrong with that, is there? I’m not causing any trouble, of course, and I’m still caring about Fair Lawn, I just don’t have too much to do with the non-Jewish community there. That’s not a bad thing, I think.

But clearly, I’m not the strongest example here, so I’d like to take a look at my uncle who lives in Teaneck. (This is his second or third time being featured in my column; I promise he’s not a sponsor or anything!) He does a lot of work for Jewish clients and Bnei Yeshurun, even doing security and patrol for the shul during holidays. But he also interacts with many non-Jews, both on the job and as a volunteer auxiliary policeman. I swear, it seems as if he knows the entire Teaneck Police Department, filled with whom, I’m sure, are very nice people but many of whom aren’t Jewish.

And that’s my point—that’s the prime example of how I feel we should interact and integrate ourselves in our broader communities. (I bet my uncle will be surprised to hear that I’m naming him as a paradigm of something, but here I go!) We should be involved with both the Jewish events and the communal ones, open ourselves up to communicating with everyone and being involved in many different aspects of our communities, whether Jewish or not. Obviously there’s a limit—I don’t recommend that any Jews should start attending any Christmas parties. (A tree can’t really pass as a “Chanukah Bush.”) But there’s a right, engaging balance that I think we can find that I think my uncle and many others have found already, and that I hope I will be able to fully utilize.

So… what went wrong in Rockland County? I don’t want to theorize very much because I haven’t seen the discord firsthand and don’t know every side of the story. But I suspect the balance may have been broken: Some groups may have become too insular and thus over-isolated themselves from the rest of the community, while others may have become too integrated and then found themselves losing their coherent Jewish identity. I can’t say for sure, but perhaps one potential solution—even though it won’t solve everything—is to find the right balance, and maybe that will help sort out the discord.

Oren Oppenheim, age 17, is a junior at Ramaz Upper School in Manhattan and lives in Fair Lawn, New Jersey. He spends his free time writing and reading, and hopes to become a published novelist, but currently is drowning in emails from colleges. You can email him at [email protected] and see his photography at facebook.com/orenphotography.

By Oren Oppenheim