I had the pleasure of joining the Rebbetzin Esther Rosenblatt Yarchei Kallah which took place at Roemer on Monday and Tuesday of this week. This annual in-person event, when covid doesn’t interfere, brings together rabbi’s wives from across the country. Women from as far as California and Florida as well as many from closer destinations made the effort to spend time learning from each other as well as from the many sessions which took place over the two-day span.
Looking around at those assembled I felt ancient. I had to remind myself that I was once one of them. Such informative sessions were not made available to those whose husbands received semicha years ago. My friend, Chevy Yudin, did remind me this evening of how as wives of men in the semicha program we were taken to the homes of two rebbetzins who were supposedly going to “teach us the ropes.” Boy did they teach us! One was considered by all of us to be very fancy and lived in an extremely upscale home filled with silver, art and other expensive tchotchkes, and the other was much more down to earth and was someone to whom we could relate much more easily. Here we were, couples who made our own bookcases from bricks and wood which we shlepped from the hardware store (no Home Depot or Lowe’s), and certainly no made-to-measure furniture. We could not relate to the fact that when “baalabatim come to our homes for a Shabbat seudah we should definitely take out our sterling.” The other woman simply explained that anything we do will be greatly appreciated. Without consulting my friend Chevy I can assure you that we both took the second route.
Several times during the two days, participants were asked to choose and sit with women to discuss specific topics. I chose to sit at the table where the topic was “out of town” rebbetzins. Obviously their challenges are greater than those living in cities with major Jewish populations. I was totally amazed at the first topic which concerned these women. It was not being away from family, which I would have expected. It was not a concern about the Jewish schools wherever they were living. Instead, it was the concern over the fact that there were no kosher facilities. Not even a pizza store. I thought back to our first position in Brantford, Ontario, a small city with only 90 Jewish families at the time. It never entered my mind that there should be anything kosher there. Every few weeks when we would drive to Toronto to buy our kosher supplies we would treat ourselves by visiting one of the bakeries there or perhaps a restaurant.
Our world has become so accustomed to having everything at our fingertips. Things that were never expected are now taken for granted. I realize that this generation may have grown up having kosher fare available to them any time they wanted. If they came from a small town with nothing (which most did not), they at least spent a year in Israel after high school, or spent their college years in a major city where they could get whatever they wanted. Obviously the rebbetzins had other concerns as well, but the most pressing was the food issue.
A panel discussion that gripped the room dealt with how the rabbi and his family are able to handle tragedies and challenges that might befall them vis a vis the community.
In my own mind I felt as though I could easily have written a book on this topic. (It’s never too late, Nina) One rabbi’s wife eloquently spoke of the tragedy of living through her young daughter’s illness and her eventual death. How much do you want to share with your baalabatim? How much do you want to be out there and how much do you want to keep private? Another participant spoke of her medical challenges and another of the fact that one of her sons had “come out” and the other son had “come out” in a different way by informing his family that he was no longer interested in observing mitzvot and wanted to live a more secular lifestyle. All spoke of these challenges within their own marriages and families, and discussed the way they decided to share with the community. All of these women were obviously shomer mitzvot and spoke of how these difficulties affected their relationship with HaKodesh Baruch Hu. Overwhelmingly it was mentioned that because of the kind support of community members they were able to deal with whatever they were going through.
There were many other sessions, too numerous to mention. What I think is one of the most successful purposes of the Yarchei Kallah is the formation of friendships for many who can now have a network of people with whom to discuss various issues, who they might not have had in the past.
I observed these women and remembered myself in my role of rebbetzin at the age of 24, and recognized that although things are so different, in many ways nothing has changed. I wish all of the participants much hatzlacha and feel fortunate that we have always been part of the YU community that so fervently supports their musmachim and graduates.
Nina Glick can be reached at [email protected].
