It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written about food or body image. In many ways it’s felt difficult and strange to engage in any aspect of normalcy since Oct. 7. And yet, we also haven’t had much of a choice; we all have continued forward, participating in our responsibilities— perhaps in a fog —because that’s what we do — we keep on living.
Some individuals in recovery from a struggle felt that the current events in Israel have allowed them to challenge themselves, using the “Comparison” skill (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, DBT ACCEPTS) to recognize their ability to push themselves. Many, though, if not most, have not been able to “pause” their struggles. Instead, their struggle has been amplified as they continue to turn to their most instinctive coping skill — manipulation of food or exercise.
When we are born, we have an intuitive relationship to food; infants indicate when hungry and typically know exactly when to stop. Even at this age, though, there can be the complicated factor of comfort: if an infant is not hungry, food may be offered or taken to soothe. Then, as this child develops, she actually moves further away from a healthy relationship with hunger, fullness and body image; the people around her are inundated with messages about the thin ideal and misconceptions about health which then impact how these people respond to her hunger cues. As she gets older her friends are receiving similar messages and choosing what to have for a snack is not about honoring hunger or what sounds best, but might be carefully calculated.
On top of all this, trauma and our lived experiences within our bodies impact our relationship to hunger and fullness and perception of self. For many people, mood and anxiety impact the desire for food as comfort or perhaps this nervousness can lead to nausea in the stomach that can make it difficult to eat.
This is all to say that amid horror and panic and heartbreak it actually feels essential to revisit the topic of food and body image, since it is likely that many readers have found this relationship to be impacted in the past months. If you’ve felt that you’ve coped with the events of October and ongoing events by distracting yourself with food or putting your focus into a diet, you are among many. The many who are trying to find a sense of order, control and predictability. The many who are looking for any way to distract from social media and trying to juggle living life while also experiencing a constantly activated nervous system. The many who feel disconnected from their bodies as we live as a community — through a collective trauma.
You are not alone.
And manipulating what you eat is not the answer. Just as engaging in any other maladaptive behavior is not the answer. The issue lies in the way our society and culture do not deem dieting or compulsive movement as maladaptive, but rather praise it.
Dear reader, in this piece I’d like to move away from psycho-education on diet culture and instead prioritize your sense of taking care of yourself, specifically surrounding food intake and exercise. My hope, truly, is that you can take a moment to assess how you are engaging with food and exercise. To consider whether it is feeling compulsive, excessive or beyond your values. To ask yourself if this is your only coping mechanism right now. To consider whether, if this was taken away from you, how you might feel. I encourage you, at your core, to assess whether your sense of self or worth are strictly tied to how you look or how you’re eating.
If this is the case, how might it feel to expand the way you’re managing? To incorporate more ways of coping with what has happened and what is happening, including activities that engage your mind, social support, seeking professional help, or finding ways to move your body without that movement relating to compensation for food.
I encourage you, dear reader, to reflect on how you’re engaging with food right now — whether this pattern feels new or familiar — and consider whether you’re open to more. More freedom, more coping skills, more emotions.
Struggles with food are typically exacerbated when there is trauma or stress so please give yourself compassion to recognize that this is normal, and also to provide a space for yourself or others to non-judgmentally consider what a helpful alternative might look like. We will remain strong as a nation when we are best taking care of ourselves. So take the time to reflect and know that while you are not alone, there is also an alternative. And there is hope.
Temimah Zucker, LCSW, works in New York and New Jersey with individuals ages 18 and older who are struggling with mental health concerns, and specializes in working with those looking to heal their relationships between their bodies and souls. Zucker is an adjunct professor at the Wurzweiler School of Social Work, an advocate and public speaker concerning eating disorder awareness and a metro-New York consultant at Monte Nido. To learn more or to reach her, visit www.temimah.com.
