“You don’t need to be fixed because you aren’t broken.” This is a line that I repeat often; we aren’t alarm clocks or printers. We are complex humans and just because we may feel broken at times does not mean this is true. Instead I encourage people to think in the context of healing, knowing that in the mental health department, this healing can include a journey.

When having experienced pain for some time, it can be easy to believe that we are broken, flawed, at fault or that the situation is hopeless. I recall on my own journey—so many years ago—thinking that the incredible peers I met who were also struggling would absolutely get through this, but I questioned that same fate for myself. This is called the “unicorn syndrome,” the idea that for anyone else there can be hope but doubting this for ourselves, from a place of protection and defensiveness.

On the other end of the spectrum are those who truly do not feel that there is any issue. Sometimes this comes from denial, from the part of oneself that has learned to maladaptively cope, rebelling against change. But other times this can simply be due to a lack of awareness.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve delivered programs or even shared what I do at a social gathering and be told examples of the way someone relates to food, followed by, “but this is just what everyone does!” I think that for many individuals, struggling with food and body image feels so normal that there is no bother in trying to change or seek help. Much like the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) ultimately removed internet addiction because technically we would probably all qualify, people tend to believe that everyone has an issue and so, why bother with help?

First and foremost, let me challenge this idea. Yes, we all have bodies. And yes, we all live in a society and world that condemns certain practices with foods, judges certain bodies, and places an ideal on a body type. This does not mean everyone has the same experiences. Unfortunately most people we know experience some type of ingrained bias and judgment with regard to shapes, sizes and appearance. Most people. But this does not mean everyone. There are actually individuals who move through the world considering what they look like, but not having this as a determining factor in decision-making or self-worth.

Anyone, at any time, could seek out support in the hopes of shifting their relationship with—or thoughts about—their body, or body esteem. Does the person who is conscious of how an outfit looks need to do so? Not necessarily. Can s/he? Sure.

But what I’ve seen more often than not are people who have an obsessive relationship with food, exercise or appearance, people who miss out on social functions or who comment on food in a way that shows just how preoccupied they are. I’ve seen people who cannot tolerate missing a workout—even when there is good reason—to the point of panic. I’ve seen individuals audibly try to calculate and count (at times in front of children) to determine if they deserve to eat a particular food. I’ve seen people whose time and energy are consumed by changing outfits and shame about a reflection and the intolerance to exist in a particular body type.

And I know that our world can be cruel. I also know that our minds can be stronger than this cruelty. That our support systems can offer kindness and connection that finds subjects like life interests or ideas more interesting than someone else’s weight. I know that hours spent obsessing could be hours used for creativity, growth, imagination, fulfillment, learning and wonder. I know that shame can be heartbreaking and fear can be consuming and I also know that tolerance, acceptance and love can be liberating.

Is it time for you to consider shifting your relationship with your body, food or exercise? Start by considering the level of obsession, the impact this has on how you speak to yourself and how this acts as an obstacle to other values or areas of your life. Shifting this relationship can start with trying to challenge the negative self-talk or even identifying a small step that can provide just a bit more freedom. Know that just because “everyone” is thinking about weight (not necessarily true!) does not mean it should take up as much room for you as it does. Others’ struggles do not mean you are not worthy of help or struggling yourself.

So I encourage you to ask yourself: Might it be time?

Temimah Zucker, LCSW, works in New York and New Jersey with individuals ages 18 and older who are struggling with mental health concerns, and she specializes in working with those looking to heal their relationships between their bodies and souls. Zucker is an advocate and public speaker concerning eating disorder awareness and a metro New York consultant at Monte Nido. She is honored to now serve on the board of Atzmi. To learn more or to reach her, visit www.temimah.com.