If you’ve read my column at any point in the past 10 years then you likely know my general stance on body image: I’m an anti-diet therapist with an expertise in the eating disorder and general mental health field. I’ve written many times on the subject of tools and tips with regards to eating disorders and supporting those who are suffering. And yet, I think there exists a strong cognitive dissonance surrounding the acceptance of many concepts that we, as a society, might need to change.
And so I’ve been wondering and reflecting: why is it so difficult—perhaps even painful—to try to shift our mindsets? I know I’m the minority; you don’t have to look too far to find the opposite of what I stand for—the promotion of intentional weight loss as a means of feeling better about ourselves. Health has become synonymous with thinness for so many, rather than health being defined as what is best for each individual’s body. The diet industry is a multi-billion dollar industry, permeating ads, classrooms, social media and most minds. So to read one person who is calling for the somewhat dissolution of this industry may seem unconvincing.
Moreover, people want a “quick fix.” People want to find an easy way to feel better about life, to fit in, to boost confidence. Never mind that this “quick fix” is never quick, is rather lifelong, can have health risks and can be extremely time consuming. People still cling to the hope that it will work and don’t want to let go of this. It’s like letting go of a pacifier for an older child: It feels like it works, despite the fact that it does not actually provide aid in the way the child needs.
I entered the field of eating disorders because I know that hope is possible. Because I know that people can find freedom and not need to think obsessively about appearance as a means of self-definition. And I don’t mean just those who suffer from diagnosable eating disorders. I’m talking about those who make offhand comments about calories, who change outfits multiple times in the span of minutes, who think negatively about themselves based on reflections. This applies to those people too.
So I’d like to offer a little “refresher” on some basic recommendations. If we were all to take time and truly try to adopt a mindset shift, promoting the messages below, we would have a very different experience as a community.
- Stop Making Assumptions Based on Size
People tend to associate size with particular judgments, whether positive or negative. We don’t know anything about another person based on size. But what I mean by this is not simply to move away from assuming things about health or eating habits. Rather, pause and ask yourself what you believe, why this might be coming up and how it in turn makes you feel about that person. Then, challenge yourself. You do not know if that person is happier based on what she looks like, or whether that man is unhealthy. It’s also not your business. Your role is to learn—and care—about the individual, not about his shape.
- Respect for All Bodies
Regardless of health or habits, we must return to the practice of respecting one another and not having size get in the way of this. All bodies deserve respect and care. The idea that this is not the case is based on judgments and fat-phobia. So notice those judgments and ask yourself what you might, think, feel or how you might respond if you were to start from a place of respect.
- Concerns for Health Should Include Mental Health
People tend to respond with a lot of energy when I speak about intuitive eating and acceptance and ask where health fits in. Spoiler: it does fit in, and yet people tend to over-rely on health and when we break it down, fat-phobia can often be found at the root of people’s arguments—not health. I want to remind readers that health also includes mental health. Obsessiveness, high stress, impaired functioning, etc. all take a toll on an individual.
Rambam promoted the importance of caring for the soul just as we care for the body, and he wrote rather explicitly about the relationship between these two areas of health. So the next time you are thinking about health, be sure you’re including the health of the soul in your thought pattern.
I understand that what I’m saying may go against the grain of your way of thought. But I also hope and believe that we are united in the desire to eradicate eating disorders and to provide a better world with more acceptance. See how it feels; try on these attitudes. We have a common goal—please join me.
Temimah Zucker, LCSW, works in New York and New Jersey with individuals ages 18 and older who are struggling with mental health concerns, and she specializes in working with those looking to heal their relationships between their bodies and souls. Zucker is an advocate and public speaker concerning eating disorder awareness and a metro New York consultant at Monte Nido. She is honored to now serve on the board of Atzmi. To learn more or to reach her, visit www.temimah.com.
